Viva My Lady Porn!

I've been watching World Cup Soccer with (and without) my husband.  I started in life as an American football fan, which I still am, but over these past eight years the World Cup has been warming my heart (and nether regions).

Yes.  I became a fan because the guys are cute, powerful, handsome, sexy, stunning and sometimes, jaw-dropping.  Need I go on?  And even if I thought about feeling guilty for lusting after the players, Jezebel.com took care of that for me in their article, Why Shameless Objectification Can Be A Good Thing.

This week I was watching Ronaldo of Portugal and asking myself the following question, "If I had to have sex with either him or the Italian goalie, Gianluigi Buffon, which would I choose?"*

When I caught myself mulling over this quandary, I became extremely proud.  I thought that this must be what it's like to be a guy.  Seriously, when World Cup Soccer is on (which I actually, do enjoy as a sport) I think about sex every 35 seconds.  This is a significant improvement over my usual frequency of once every 3-5 days.  This is epic!  I'm always searching for ways to boost my libido (it's weak and flabby compared to my husband's healthy and robust sex drive.) 

And just when I got really pleased with my new soccer-based solution to all my sex problems the irony caught up to me and knocked me flat.  World Cup Soccer is on for ONE month, every FOUR years, making it, in fact, a perfect match for my rarely ever, hot-and-more-often cold sex drive.  So play on, Spain, Germany and Brasil!  I've got you for another week and a half.  Maybe after that I can try the MLS?  Wish me luck...


*The answer, in this case, is that I find the Italian goalie more attractive and passionate, but also very potentially nasty.   I think he must do terrible things to ladies.  So I picked Ronaldo. 

I know, poor me.

If you need something to read...

Sometimes I've found that alcohol gets boring. For when I need a little something to pump up my libido after a day of screaming and sippy cups. For those crazy times I turn to books. Erotica is just fine. But for those times when you need something you can unashamedly purchase from a bookstore? Kresley Cole. That woman can write a sex scene. And a story. She writes both historical and supernatural fiction. So a little something for everyone...who likes historical or supernatural fiction. Kresley Cole.

If You Love Someone...

I don't think I'd be alone if I admitted that a recurring theme of my married sex life is that he wants it more often than I do. I feel really badly about that sometimes. So badly that my brain recently embarked on a whole alternate life for my husband and I. This is how my brain works. It just jumps a slow-moving box-car and follows it to the end of the line.

I just started thinking how awesome it would be for my husband if he could get laid whenever he wanted to, instead of waiting for all of my stars to line up. I'm not going to open up the marriage for him. Emotions would be involved, I'd be jealous. I just know it's too messy for me. So then I thought, "Oh my god, if you love something, set it free." If Sting is right (like he usually is), maybe I actually need to divorce my husband so that he can find true happiness. Imagine how amazing it will be for him to find some lusty girlfriend. It will be a whole new lease on life. For that matter, I'll eventually meet someone as well and that affair will be unbelievable! All the nerves and the newness and the endorphin rushes. I started to get really happy for the alternate versions of my husband and I.

Then it hit me: to have our post marriage affairs we are going to have to date. THAT'S gonna be a LOT of work. My post-baby body is a bit wrecked and not the same one that I might have gleefully unwrapped for boyfriends in the past. And how often am I really going to go out, anyway? Me, who still has never hired a sitter? And who is going to be good enough to introduce to the kids? Ok, enough about me. I complicate everything. Let's think about that "Ex" husband of mine out there living it up. It's good for him, still, right? Maybe. But then again, he might actually have to go to the gym a couple of times to bolster his ego. He'll have to wine and dine some chick and pretend to be interested in her interests and maybe meet her family...

Pump the brakes! This is a disaster! This is a tremendous amount of effort to produce the short-lived high of a new sex partner. Let's skip the middle man (divorce) and just put in half the effort. I'll get off my ass and figure out how to get a sitter so that I can use my energy dating the father of my children. And he can wine and dine me every once in a while to get a little extra sex. Now we're talking! Half the effort; no moving out. And we'll strike a compromise. He may not get it as often as he dreams, I may not be swept off my feet all the time, but we'll have a, what's the word? Oh, a marriage.

There you have it. This box car has reached the end of the line and sorry, Sting, I'm not setting anybody free. But now the onus is on me to really put in some effort so that I can live in the realm between divorce fantasies and divorce realities and just be really happy with the man I chose for forever.

Surrounded by Sex

So here's the thing. It's easy for me to get burned out on certain things. Sex being near the top of that list, (sun-dried tomatoes are the top). In order to bring you the best sex advice/tips/ideas/thoughts, I surrounded myself with articles and movies and books. I became a sex writer. Which is something that I never aspired to. Not that there's anything wrong with that, just...surprising.

Enveloping myself in sex culture was a little much for me. I'm just a regular gal. I'm not super sexual, don't need to screw all the time. Never been one to masturbate in traffic. I was merely entering a sort of post-partum-apres-thirty sexual awakening and found I wasn't alone. And it was amazing to share that time with two of the most incredible ladies I've ever known. And if you're okay with it, we're gonna get back on the stick, so to speak...or literally.

Shit has happened, the game is changing. Divorces and vasectomies and abortions! Oh my!

Stay tuned, it's gonna be a bumpy night!