Porn for Women?

To a lot of women, me (K*) included, porn is a pretty controversial subject. Is it bad for women? Empowering? I still don't have any answers, but I'm a lot closer to understanding it, i.e., not as bad as I once thought and maybe even watchable now. After all, I'm over 30 and more confident in my body and my relationship. But, now, how can I find what turns me on?

The internets are so full of porn that searching seems like shopping in infinity. And the sheer thought of heading behind the curtain in a video store reminds me True Porn Clerk Stories, a hilariously frightening blog. So instead we here at YG10M found some resources to help everyone find what tickles their fancies:

Good Vibrations
Good vibes shoots its own videos and categorizes them for you. You can find the ratings on the website and in the catalog. They also feature plenty of video on demand. And there's section called "New to Porn."

Jane’s Guide
One of the oldest and best adult review sites can be found here. Also featuring book and toy reviews. (NSFW).

The Smart Girl’s Guide to Porn
Violet Blue’s book is one of the first to take women’s porn interest seriously. Written for the absolute beginner, it’s also a useful handbook for those who have experimented quite a bit with porn but haven’t found much to satisfy them.

It's kind of exciting to think that now we can finally find something that is made by women for women. Because if I have to listen to one more "erotic" story, written by a man, with bad saxophone music in the background I'm going to freak out. Freak. Out.

Thanks Sexier Sex Lessons!

Action!

The Frisky posted a link to a Gizmodo post where the editors asked their readers, or, to be more specific, nerds, about the kind of equipment they used to film themselves having sex. (Whew!)

Hilarity ensued.

(I went and read all the comments. Good times...)

Desperately Seeking Erotica

I'm in the market for erotica: stories about sex. And maybe something else: a book about positions and techniques, maybe with photos.

Yes, I can shop online. But sometimes it's nice to see in person what you're getting, plus if you pay for it in a store with cash, there's no record that you bought it. You don't have to worry about Amazon recommending More Porn!! for you every time you log in.

So I went to the Borders in my local mall, and was gratified to see a good-sized section clearly labeled EROTICA. Maybe too clearly. Even though there were some tempting tomes waiting on the shelves, I lost my courage and didn't linger. You see, this section was right on the end of an aisle, in full view of the kids' section (where there was storytime happening, for cripes sake) as well as the coffee bar.

I'm no shrinking violet, but I just couldn't bring myself to flip the pages of the luscious looking black and white erotic photography book...with the whole store watching.

So I talked Kimberly* and Stacy* into joining me at a local independent shop where I assumed we'd find a fabulous erotica section, and hoped it would be more discreetly located.

That's when the hunt began. We wandered all over that store for at least half an hour looking for the good stuff.

We found the Relationships section right off, and for a while it looked like that's all we'd find. It had a couple of books on sex that looked interesting, but they were more therapeutic than stimulating.


Obviously, they had a big fat Romance section. Nice, but not what we wanted this trip.


Somewhere along the way, Stacy* found this book and we didn't hear from her for a while. I think she got a few good pointers from it. Stacy*, do you recommend it?


Finally, Kimberly* took charge (as she so often does) and asked a clerk for help. He directed her to the Fiction Anthologies, and it took a bit more searching to find the very small erotica collection actually located under Essays & Criticism.


Finally! We found a few anthologies that looked pretty damn good, though it was disappointing that there were fewer than a dozen to choose from.


I may have to drag Kimberly* and Stacy* to Borders next so we can compare their offerings in more detail. Maybe start with a glass of wine so I won't mind the exposed location.

Safety in Numbers + Liquid Courage = Successful Hunt for Erotica? I sure hope so!

Sex Tips from Real Moms

Forget crazy positions. How about some fun, cheap, easy, doable tips for us real women who just want to shake things up a little bit?

1. Clean your room! How many times have you said this to your kids? Removing clutter and kid paraphernalia will give you more of an oasis at the end of a long day.

2. Try getting your sexy back with a new playlist for the bedroom. Music really can soothe the savage beast, or, if you want, let it out!

3. Use a lubricant. There are so many new options available. You can tingle, warm or taste like cherries. It's a smorgasbord of slippery!

4. Try a nice, hot shower with him. It's been a while since my showers were anything but utilitarian. Taking time to touch and wash each other will be a break from the routine and perhaps lead to a more sensual experience.

5. Watch something sexy on TV together. Not everyone feels sexy after watching Sportscenter, so change the channel and see if there's something that turns you both on. Lost, The Tudors, True Blood, The L Word, all good starts.

6. Chew a few Altoids before oral sex. Simple trick = delight for him. And maybe a willingness to try other new things...

7. Bring your laptop to bed. Click around and check out some titillating photos or videos. Discuss. You may learn something new about him.

8. Try out a sex toy. Use a small vibrator on yourself, or let your husband hold it. (This is especially delightful if your husband is behind you).

9. Sexcation. Maybe not "cheap," but so worth it!

Only a couple of these require any forethought on your part, so you have no excuse not to try one tonight!

For that other sex organ.

The last post featured ways to get in the mood. My favorite way, reading, is so subjective, it's hard to name the book that will do it for you. But I can try. I've learned a lot in my foray into romance, like I really need it to be set in another place or time. Any reminder of kids or pop culture and I'm out. And that even in a bodice ripper, I still need good writing and people to behave in realistic ways. I get really tired of "webs of secrets."

Once you find a book you like, you can go to amazon or Shelfari or goodreads and look for people who liked it and see what else they've liked. I've even made a friend on Shelfari because her reviews were so stunning. And we had similar taste in heroines, no wallflowers for me, thank you.

I've decided to include the best of my bunch. I counted, forty one books since January, and I can't possibly review them all. And just so we're clear...romance novel titles almost never have to do with the storyline. Some of the best books I've read have not only a ridiculous title, but the covers are horrendous. Which is why I love my iPod.

Links are to amazon, because they carry both books and ebooks, but I use ereader.com.

Scottish Rogues:
A Highlander Never Surrenders by Paula Quinn (A woman who wears pants. Pants!)
If You Dare by Kresley Cole (Florence Nightingale syndrome.)
Highlander Unchained by Monica McCarty (Okay. She gets kidnapped. But maybe that's fun?)

Vampires/Supernatural:
The Southern Vampire Series by Charlaine Harris (The books the series True Blood is based on)
Kiss of a Demon King by Kresley Cole (I've read sections of this one more than once and I'm not even into vampire books. Or maybe I am...)

Regency:
After the Abduction by Sabrina Jeffries (Hilarious mistaken identity.)
The Spymaster's Lady by Joanna Bourne (A female spy? Awesome.)
The Perils of Pleasure by Julie Anne Long (One of my favorites.)
The Runaway Duke by Julie Anne Long (I'm a sucker for women who know what they want.)
If His Kiss is Wicked by Jo Goodman (Very dark. But well written.)

Pirates:
The Price of Pleasure by Kresley Cole (This heroine knows what she wants from the start.)
What a Pirate Desires by Michelle Beattie

This reminds me of the episode of Friends where Joey finds Rachel's book featuring a sexy vicar and the farmers daughter and says, "You got Porn!" So, there you go, I hope you enjoy the mind porn!

And...thanks for the idea, Jen*.

More Ways to Get in the Mood

One of the biggest problems I've had after a day with the kids is getting in the mood. After the tantrums and fighting and the smelling like poop, I really don't want to think about sex. (I mean, I'm writing this between requests for "snack?" and "shoe?") Nor do I want to worry about how to tear my husband away from facebook poker.

My sister found this article from Shine, 3 Unorthodox Ways to Get in the Mood. I'm not really sure about "Fake a Foreign Accent," but "Watch Prime-time Porn? Sure. "Get Tipsy?" Yes, please!

As far as sexy TV, the article mentions Lost and The Tudors, but I've heard The L Word and True Blood are also good. If we delve into movies, Daniel Craig as James Bond is not hard to watch, and anything with Clive Owen should be on the list.

Booze is kind of a no brainer. I used to worry that my husband might take offense if I have to drink in order to have sex with him. But a friend pointed out that most likely, they don't care, as long as they're gettin' some. And she's right. My husband will buy me wine, even though he's not a drinker.

Another mood enhancer for me is reading a sexy book. Sometimes a trashy romance is just what I need. I believe it has something to do with getting my brain in on the action. One of our problems as women, is shutting off the super computer that is our brain. With reading, I can just refocus it on something more fun. As far as writers of the romances* go, I can recommend Kresley Cole, she writes in a few genres. (And if you have an iPod, no one has to know what you're reading).

Music can also help. If you can shut the door to your bedroom and put on some music, that can help transform "the mom" into "the sex goddess." I'm sure we all have music that we adore, figure Magazine has a pretty good list to get you started.

And if all else fails, hand him one of these.



*If you want more recommendations, email me. I've read,...a few.

Public service announcement

The other night, the husband and I had the brilliant idea that we should feed the kids dinner early, move them along the path of pajamas and bedtime, and get them all down before 8 pm, upon which time we would enjoy some Tivo'd shows and a grown-up dinner with wine...to be followed by some SEX.

Everything was going beautifully until about 9 pm when, tipsy on pinot noir and inspired by something we'd just seen on TV, I asked what I thought was an innocent question about one of the kids. Before I knew it we were deep into a parenting discussion that, fueled by wine-loosened lips, quickly escalated into something ugly. Finally I realized there was no way in hell I was going to sleep with that man that night, so I set down my wine glass (wish I could have slammed it, but it's really nice crystal from the wedding) and stormed off to bed.

What a waste.

The moral of the story is, when you're setting up a romantic evening and getting your buzz on, for orgasm's sake, don't bring up any thorny issues or let yourself get dragged into a "discussion." 

Maybe we should have been watching porn instead.