Kinky Night In: On a Budget

The Frisky had an interesting article recently, Everything You Need For A Kinky Night In. We at YG10M love a shopping trip, but after I added up all of their S&M goodies, the $995 pricetag gave me a jolt. And not the good kind. So I headed off to my local 99 Cents Only store to see what I could find to kinkify your boudoir.

The one thing I knew they would have were the cosmetics. Red nail polish and red lip gloss. Simple, quick changes that can work wonders. Especially a glossy, red mouth!

My next item proved a bit harder. A black push-up bra. Their version was sexy and lacy, and $41, ours is more "sexy girlfriend." A cotton lace-edged tank with a sheer red thong. Which can totally work. Especially for $2.

Riding crop? For reals? Here's what I found for $1:

I know. Not the best. But slightly padded with rubber with a gorgeous rainbow wood stained handle. It's S&M-ie,...no? Well, it gets worse. This one involves crafting skills:

I thought maybe a little hot glue, a bit of leather...smack! Pleasure abounds! Okay, I'm reaching...

For our next accoutrement of pleasure, The Frisky mentions a nice silk rope as a restraint. I love a multi-tasker, and sparkles, so I give you:

After that, and this weird policy the 99 cent store had of setting the air conditioner at 99 degrees, I hightailed it to Target, (my first love), to fill in the rest. Just to recap so far:

The Frisky: $91

YG10M: $7

Now, Target was slightly more complicated, I had left the tougher items for them to fill in. We still need Christian Louboutins, a corset, a blindfold and handcuffs. Not exactly my everyday shopping list. I knew the beauty section would have some kind of face mask and it did not disappoint. This little guy was around $5:

The Louboutins could be thought of as impossible to find, but not with my pioneer spirit! And my deep, dark memory. I read somewhere that Martha Stewart has her assistant black sharpie the bottom of her red soled Louboutins. Inspiration! Black patent heels, on sale for $17.84. Sharpies:$5. Feeling sexy in your own shoes: Priceless.

After my coup with the shoes, I was nearly bubbling over with inspiration. And since I felt my riding crops were sort of,...ridiculous...I was happy to keep looking in the one place I knew I could find something. A place where sex toys and pet toys collide. And? It jingles!

Okay. So I would probably remove the bell. I don't want any Pavlovian reactions come Christmas time.

And last but not least, the corset. That one really got me. The only corset-esque item was a black girdle in the shapewear section. The kind that when shifted, rolls, exposing flesier-flesh than if you were naked. Yuck. So, I went with what I found at the 99 Cents Only store...wait for it...

Okay, so not exactly sexy. But confining, won't roll up on you. Could double as a restraint. Unisex color. (Although not exactly racially sensitive). It could work. What do you want for 99 cents?!

Sorry. Ahem...

That leaves us spending a grand total of $33 which is a savings of $962. That's the same as three cups of coffee a day! And now you get to feel sexy, have some fun and still afford college for your little guys.


*I know, I know, I forgot the handcuffs. Use the scarf!

Vibe of the Week: Hitachi Magic Wand

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Vibe of the Week: We-Vibe

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

S&M&M's

So there I was, reading my "stories" when I came upon a very strange scene. Set in Victorian England, the hero decides, in the middle of the act, that he can help his lady reach her peak by tying her up. He reaches for his silk cravat and ties her wrists together above her head and then, well, everything...works out.

So I start thinking. First, how amazing it was that a man thought of someone else at that point, and then how if it came down to that, tying me up, the available accoutrements were laughable. I pictured a scene with my husband rushing,naked through the house searching for some kind of tether that won't chafe. And coming back to me with some wooden kids pull toy.

Further along in the book, the hero purchases a Japanese silk cord. (How presumptuous!) And I had to see what the fuss was all about. So here it is.

I brought this dilemma to the ladies* and they came up with neckties, which my husband doesn't wear, belts or silk scarves. Hermes, perhaps?

If you have something like this, you should throw it in your pleasure chest. Just in case. You don't want to end up with that pull toy like me.

Sexy Target: Part 3

Are you ready to GET IT ON (for $9.99)?

Target is so full of good times that we are now on Part 3! In this section, Target will help you get in the mood for an evening of good lovin'. Movies, books, candles and booze...that's all it takes for me. And by purchasing it all at Target, I'm a cheap lay! Just what my husband likes.

First, let's begin with movies. Daniel Craig? Olivier Martinez? Yes, please!

Now that our eyes are stimulated, let's move onto our brains. One of these tossed into a cart full of household necessities will hardly even be noticed. Trust us--those Target checkers don't seem to raise their eyebrows at anything:

There's nothing worse than trying to have a cocktail at the end of a busy day and the only clean glasses in the cabinet have Elmo on them. Buy yourself some sexy new equipment for your mood enhancing drinks. Just holding a martini glass makes me feel sexier:

Target doesn't sell liquor, but it does have a ton of wine. Cheap and fancy, box and bottle. The new smaller boxes are cute and discreet, so you don't have to feel like a lush with a giant Franzia clogging up the fridge:
And finally, here is our arrangement for a sexy night, complete with pleasure chest, candles, chocolate, and wine. We also included a little pack of blank notes. Why not start the foreplay in the morning before work? A note slipped into a pocket or lunch can do more with sheer anticipation than some of the sexiest lingerie:

It's nice to be able to run regular errands and pick up a few things to keep the romance in your relationship. Like I needed more reasons to love Target?

Sexy Target: Part 2

Oh, Target, you sweet mistress of the dark! Part two of Sexy Target features Jen* and I perusing only two aisles. But these two aisles are chock full of fun! Anything you need for your lady parts is available. And for every stage:

A Kama Sutra Weekender Kit? Awesome. With flavored massage oils, powders and a feather duster. I hear a sexcation rumbling in the distance!
I had never heard of freezable lubricant cubes. And Target has them:
I used to use "the economy is bad" as a reason to not put-out. Looks like I need a new reason. Target? Thanks:
On sale for $26.39? This must pack a serious punch:
These were pretty lame as a "personal device," what with having to hold the button down to use, but sometimes a nice back-rub is all you need to get in the mood. And for $5:
Okay, now we're talkin'. Hydragel massager with heat.
Oh, Target, how I love your travel size section! Jen* and I spent $7 and we made the perfect weekender getaway bag! Exotic body wash with natural sponge, masculine body spray, altoids, lubricant and even clean-up, all in a handy little bag!
Next Up: Let's Get it On. Check back Monday!

Sexy Target: Part 1

Kimberly* and I set out to prove it's possible to stock up on sexy at the store we go to most: Target. You can pick up all your household essentials, push your kid(z) around in a red cart, stop for popcorn at the snack bar...and buy all your sexy equipment...all under one roof. Awesome.

First stop: lingerie. Yep, they got it. Hot stuff! You can put together a little outfit for under $40:

Just FYI, this here would be a big NO:

Next: new, super soft, eco-friendly bamboo sheets. Mmm. Wouldn't it be nice to slip into these with your man (Stay away from dark colors!):

While you're at it, why not update the love nest with new bedding? We found cushy comforters in stylish shades for not too much moolah. I'm thinking a new set of bedding would be inspirational. It would sure make me want to go to bed earlier, if nothing else:

Next up: Lubricate & Vibrate! Check back tomorrow.

Sex Chair

This article, The Plain, Unmarked Box Arrived, made me laugh. It's about a couple with two kids who buy The Esse Sex Chair. This is exactly what would happen if I bought one...


The Plain, Unmarked Box Arrived by Lori Jakiela [NYTimes]

Your Pleasure Chest

To assume that we're all "ready to go" at a moments notice is absurd. We are not Marines. But having a sensual arsenal in your bedside table, or, let's be honest, a wadded Target bag on the top shelf of your closet, can help those spontaneous interludes proceed more smoothly.

Here are a few items to include:

1. Vibrator
A small clitoral one will do.

2. Lubricant

3. Sexy Book
Our brain needs stimulation, too!

4. iPod/CD player with sexy playlist

5. Altoids
Also for fresh breath. And peppermint is energizing!

6. Scented/flavored massage oil
I have a Pavlovian response to orange-ginger lotion.

7. Condoms
You never know...

You can add other things if you're more adventurous. Like a game or a blindfold. This is only the beginning!

Wish List

All this sex research and blogging has got me thinking about some goodies I'd like to add to the bedroom. Nothing heinous...just some little things to spice it up and make the bedroom less place-where-my-kids-leave-their-toys and more of a sex den.

Here's my wish list: 

1. Wedge pillow (like this one pictured above)

2. Really excellent quality new sheets (my current set has a couple of small holes...not sexy)

3. Clock radio that plays an iPod

4. New "neck massager"

5. Candles (cliched, perhaps, but effective at mood enhancing)

6. Martini glasses (I don't feel swank drinking a vodka cocktail out of the same thick glass my kids use for milk)

Got any suggestions to add?

Sexy songs

Kimberly* and I are blogging live and in person from a playdate. Our kids are running around in princess dresses, eating popcorn and playing in the backyard while we talk about es-ee-ex in codewords. 

We've been listening to iTunes and putting together what we think is a pretty damn sexy song list for romantic evenings in the bedroom (or wherever). I think I'll tell my husband that a great Mother's Day or anniversary gift would be some sort of clock radio thingie that I can plug the iPod into. Add champagne and my new song list, and presto! Sexy night achieved.

Here's our list. Anyone got any suggestions to add to it?

Wicked Game by Chris Isaak

Little Red Corvette by Prince

Crush by Dave Matthews Band

Every Breath You Take by the Police

I Drove All Night by Cyndi Lauper

I Can't Help Falling in Love by UB40

1, 2, 3, 4 by Plain White T's

Pepper by Butthole Surfers

Crazy for You by Madonna

Holding Out for a Hero by Frou Frou

The Kill by 30 Seconds to Mars

P.D.A. by John Legend

Human by The Killers

Come Undone by Duran Duran

What Goes Around by Justin Timberlake

"This house is not conducive to lovemaking."

An amazing friend of mine and mother of three, was heading out of town for the summer. A good friend of her husband's, a young, handsome Frenchman, was going to house-sit for them. He stopped by for the grand tour and upon opening the door and being presented with said handsome Frenchman and his delicious scent she instantly realized she was make-up less and wearing not so flattering clothing. As she led him through the house, showing him the kitchen, the living room, and the guest room, suddenly every toy in sight closed in on her making her feel as though her gorgeous art deco home was now a glaring showcase for primary colored toys. Seeing her home through the eyes of the sexy Frenchman she thought, "This house is not conducive to lovemaking!"

It's so easy to get used to the toys and the clutter and the dog hair. And when I'm cleaning all day long, it doesn't even occur to me to sex up my bedroom for later. So I went searching for some easy ways to make your bedroom a sex den. And I'm compiled a list I've culled from all over, some great, some ridiculous, with comments:

1. Paint your walls orange. (Or some sexy color).

Orange is apparently very sexy and subconsciously does something fancy to ones loins. And red makes you hungry and yellow makes babies cry. Paint with caution.

2. Remove your TV.

TV is not gonna help you get it on. (Before 10pm, anyway). It reminds me of a friend who had a Pavlovian response to the theme from Sportscenter. And yet, the TV stays.

3. Install a bidet.

I think we can agree on how ridiculous this is.

4. Low Lighting, candles, etc...

I cannot recommend this enough. Drag Queen's use low lighting to hide their flaws and we can too. Installing a dimmer switch in your bedroom takes, like, twenty minutes and costs $7. I also have one in my bathroom.

5. Clean up and declutter.

I informally polled some dudes* and they said that a messy room isn't always a deal breaker, but, yeah, they prefer clean rooms. And if we are trying to rekindle what we had when we were dating, (or before kids), then we need to think like that hot 22 year old who picked up her room before going out "just in case."

6. Install a mirror. Or sexy pictures. Or both.

The mirror thing I'm iffy on. Feng Shui doesn't want the chi bouncing around all night, and I live in earthquake country.
And sexy pictures? Of who? Other people? Like I want to look at hot skinny ladies with nice boobs.
Of me? Not so much...

7. Music

Sure. Maybe assemble an iPod playlist for sexy time. That could be fun.

8. Food. e.g. strawberries, whipped cream, chocolate, wine...

Who's gonna clean that up?

9. Luxurious bedding and scented sheets.

I guess that depends on how luxurious you are. You could just buy new fitted and flat sheets and keep everything else the same. No need to spring for an ensemble. My husband relishes "Clean Sheet Day, " which is a lot cheaper.

And scented sheets? That sounds lovely. It could be a favorite perfume or in my case Demeter's Angel Food Cake would work nicely. That combines 8 and 9 without the mess.

10. Keep the kids out.

This one is hard for me. But if I pick my bedroom up and change the sheets, the last thing I want is Cheetos fingers smeared on my fresh bedding. And when revealed at bedtime, it may feel a little bit more like an oasis.


*Seriously. Dudes.