Kinky Night In: On a Budget

The Frisky had an interesting article recently, Everything You Need For A Kinky Night In. We at YG10M love a shopping trip, but after I added up all of their S&M goodies, the $995 pricetag gave me a jolt. And not the good kind. So I headed off to my local 99 Cents Only store to see what I could find to kinkify your boudoir.

The one thing I knew they would have were the cosmetics. Red nail polish and red lip gloss. Simple, quick changes that can work wonders. Especially a glossy, red mouth!

My next item proved a bit harder. A black push-up bra. Their version was sexy and lacy, and $41, ours is more "sexy girlfriend." A cotton lace-edged tank with a sheer red thong. Which can totally work. Especially for $2.

Riding crop? For reals? Here's what I found for $1:

I know. Not the best. But slightly padded with rubber with a gorgeous rainbow wood stained handle. It's S&M-ie,...no? Well, it gets worse. This one involves crafting skills:

I thought maybe a little hot glue, a bit of leather...smack! Pleasure abounds! Okay, I'm reaching...

For our next accoutrement of pleasure, The Frisky mentions a nice silk rope as a restraint. I love a multi-tasker, and sparkles, so I give you:

After that, and this weird policy the 99 cent store had of setting the air conditioner at 99 degrees, I hightailed it to Target, (my first love), to fill in the rest. Just to recap so far:

The Frisky: $91

YG10M: $7

Now, Target was slightly more complicated, I had left the tougher items for them to fill in. We still need Christian Louboutins, a corset, a blindfold and handcuffs. Not exactly my everyday shopping list. I knew the beauty section would have some kind of face mask and it did not disappoint. This little guy was around $5:

The Louboutins could be thought of as impossible to find, but not with my pioneer spirit! And my deep, dark memory. I read somewhere that Martha Stewart has her assistant black sharpie the bottom of her red soled Louboutins. Inspiration! Black patent heels, on sale for $17.84. Sharpies:$5. Feeling sexy in your own shoes: Priceless.

After my coup with the shoes, I was nearly bubbling over with inspiration. And since I felt my riding crops were sort of,...ridiculous...I was happy to keep looking in the one place I knew I could find something. A place where sex toys and pet toys collide. And? It jingles!

Okay. So I would probably remove the bell. I don't want any Pavlovian reactions come Christmas time.

And last but not least, the corset. That one really got me. The only corset-esque item was a black girdle in the shapewear section. The kind that when shifted, rolls, exposing flesier-flesh than if you were naked. Yuck. So, I went with what I found at the 99 Cents Only store...wait for it...

Okay, so not exactly sexy. But confining, won't roll up on you. Could double as a restraint. Unisex color. (Although not exactly racially sensitive). It could work. What do you want for 99 cents?!

Sorry. Ahem...

That leaves us spending a grand total of $33 which is a savings of $962. That's the same as three cups of coffee a day! And now you get to feel sexy, have some fun and still afford college for your little guys.


*I know, I know, I forgot the handcuffs. Use the scarf!

Minty Fresh Male Grooming

At a girls night recently, I was describing how, before a night of romance, I like to spend a few minutes alone so I can change into something sexy, spritz on a little perfume, and make the mental transition from mom to sex goddess. One of my girlfriends loved this idea, and asked if my husband gets himself all "minty fresh" too.

Hmm. Come to think of it, he doesn't. When I enter the bedroom feeling sultry and ready for action, he is generally lying on the bed in his undies, possibly finishing up a round of Facebook poker. I guess it doesn't bother me exactly, but now that I think about it, it would be nice if he also took a few minutes to make himself more appealing.

The topic then segued into male grooming in general. How many husbands trim the hair down there? How many bother to take a shower before sex once in a while? How many go to the effort of brushing teeth and swishing with mouthwash before leaning in for soul kisses?

Turned out that among the four of us who were there that night, we all had complaints about our husbands' lack of effort. One woman even commented that if her husband would make more of an effort to be fresh and clean downstairs, she'd be willing to go down there more often.

Maybe we need an addendum to our suggestions to husbands for how to get lucky more often. If my man went to the effort to clean up and smell good, I would feel wooed. Attracted. And he'd get more of what he wants, more often.

A Little Bit Kinky

There was a time, before kids of course but mostly before marriage too, when I enjoyed getting a little bit kinky. When the relationship is still relatively new and you don't know all of each other's secrets yet, it can be easier to let loose, experiment, suddenly become the kind of person who would do...anything.

Ironically, although years of marriage obviously make you more intimate and comfortable with one another, all that knowing can also put a damper on the adventurous side of sex. Couples tend to settle into their sexual routines: a couple of positions, a few reliable moves, an understanding of what is likely to occur.

Sound boring? Agreed.

That's why I've been thinking of how to make things just A Little Bit Kinky. Here are a few ideas:

1. If your sex life is pure vanilla, maybe a silk scarf tying your wrists together will be incredibly edgy (and drive you incredibly up the wall?). Or, just ask husband to pin down your arms or hold your wrists above your head.

2. On your next date night, suggest that the two of you visit an adult shop together. Make it a rule that you each need to buy something the other will enjoy.

3. If you can pull off a full S&M outfit complete with leather and whip--hey, we say go for it. But most of us would freak out our husbands or (worse) make them laugh. So instead, try something just a little kinkier than your usual going-to-bed outfit. Black lacy bra? Thigh-high stockings? High heels in bed? Crotchless teddy?

4. Try a new position. Doggy style. Reverse cowgirl. Sitting up on a counter while he stands in front of you. (I still need to find a book on sexual positions. I'll do that and write a whole post on the subject sometime in the future, I promise!)

5. Pain can feel good. Ever gotten a spanking in bed? Or shoved a lover down hard? A little roughness at just the right time can be just what the (sex) doctor ordered.

Sexy Etsy

Thanks to Jen*, I've been looking for lingerie lately. And when I look, I get discouraged because it looks either "bride-like" or "waif-like." I'm a bigger lady, size 12, and want something that will compliment my post-baby curves and not make me feel like a mildly sexy sausage.

My other issue is color. I love color. And most of the chemises and teddy's are black and white and red. Where are the teals and magentas? The olives and ceruleans?

While on my daily etsy visit, I decided to browse their lingerie. Which is no small feat, almost half of the search contained garters in every flavor imaginable. But I did find some super cute panties and bras and sets. Some of which are custom made!
Latisha Chemise by chicffonintimate. Ah, magenta! And made of super soft bamboo. Comes in sizes extra small to large.
ladramaqueen's Martini Olive Green Bra Set with High-Waisted Panty. So cute and vintage! Include your measurements when you order and the seller will help you with sizing. Mix and match sizes 0-20.

OnTheInside's Sweetspire Camisole. Super sexy, I included the "conservative" photo. Made in sizes extra small through extra large. You can convo with the seller for sizing help.

Sandmaiden bamboo and organic cotton onesie. Sounds deliciously soft and sexy. Also? Made to order! You pick the colors and provide measurements.

Banikki Bloomettes by Under The Root I love this! So very Moulin Rouge! Made to order with sizing and measuring information on the site. As well as a color chart.

This is just a sampling of my favorites. Other things I found on etsy? A metal corset, pasties, victorian corsets, applewood dildos, and a mug that reads, "I snatch kisses and vice versa." Long live handmade!


P.S. All items are around $60. Including sets!

Don't Shut Down the Sexy

I'm loving this blog. I'm getting great ideas, I'm gaining confidence and things are going well in my marriage bed. But something always kills the momentum. It's like your gym membership. Remember, that monthly bill that you pay and ignore even though you don't quite know where your membership card is anymore? "I was doing great for two whole months, but then I got sick and my mom came to visit and then things picked up at work or preschool or American Idol..." Before you know it you're out of the habit again.

Same thing happens with sex for me. We'll be doing great. Stealing our sexy time two or three times a week and feeling good about it. Then something comes up. Usually my period. Then someone gets sick and just plain needs to sleep. Or the kids get sick and someone has to stay up all night. Then we go visit some relatives and sleep on a crappy air mattress in their basement and no way is that going to happen. Before I know it, we feel like strangers again.

The problem is, I'm pretty good at shutting off my sexual desires. I don't believe that I need sex (even though I'm starting to realize that I'm better off with more of it.) Kimberly* and I spoke about this and she thinks it goes hand in hand with being a mom. She said, "As moms, have we not taken the worst chicken breast, the smallest baked potato? How easy to slip from denying yourself in one part of your life to denying yourself in all parts." It's so true and it's precisely why we need more pleasure in the bedroom, not less of it. I need to really make the mental shift that sex is something good and pleasurable for me, not just something I do for my husband. So I will deal with the setbacks that life gives me and then I will put on that sexy movie, drink a glass of wine in my lingerie and I will not shut down the sexy!

Sexy Target: Part 1

Kimberly* and I set out to prove it's possible to stock up on sexy at the store we go to most: Target. You can pick up all your household essentials, push your kid(z) around in a red cart, stop for popcorn at the snack bar...and buy all your sexy equipment...all under one roof. Awesome.

First stop: lingerie. Yep, they got it. Hot stuff! You can put together a little outfit for under $40:

Just FYI, this here would be a big NO:

Next: new, super soft, eco-friendly bamboo sheets. Mmm. Wouldn't it be nice to slip into these with your man (Stay away from dark colors!):

While you're at it, why not update the love nest with new bedding? We found cushy comforters in stylish shades for not too much moolah. I'm thinking a new set of bedding would be inspirational. It would sure make me want to go to bed earlier, if nothing else:

Next up: Lubricate & Vibrate! Check back tomorrow.

Sex Tips from Dudes

Glamour magazine has a lot of these little slideshows. And usually they're pretty general and lame. But this one cracked me up. His Top 10 Sex Wishes Revealed features five wishes each from the married and the single guy. The contrast made me laugh out loud!


Please wear...

The single guy says: ...my work shirt instead of a robe in the morning. Then I'll put it on and smell you all day.

The married guy says: ...something more sensual than an old, ratty tee and Hello! Kitty flannels. However, I promise to step it up too.

It's so funny how the single dude is living out his fantasies and the married guy has all but given up. I bet, if pressed, he wouldn't even mind the flannel if he knew he was gettin' some.

Reasons to love lingerie (try it tonight!)

I think a lot of my mom-friends don't bother with lingerie. I've heard disparaging comments and seen rolling eyes when the topic is mentioned. I'm not sure I understand that...because I love lingerie. Let me count the reasons why.

Reason #1: Anything that makes us feel prettier/sexier...is a very good thing. I am a big believer in taking care of your physical self. Exercise, manicures, shaving or waxing the bikini area, etc etc. I also believe it extends to wearing clothes that fit your body and make you look good. Not just in the daytime when you're seeing your coworkers and friends and the guy at Starbucks who makes your latte just right. But also in the night when it's for your and your husband's eyes only. Wearing a stretched out t-shirt and sweat shorts may be comfy, but it ain't sexy. And to be honest, it's not even as cute as you think it is. A little nightgown or matching cami/panties would look a lot better on you.

Reason #2: It helps bridge the gap between MOM and SEXPOT. We talk all the time about getting in the mood at night after the kids are down. I can't think of anything that marks the divide better than changing into something provocative. Imagine that when the house is quiet and you're getting ready for bed...you take a few minutes to slip into something obviously sexy. Maybe spray on perfume and add some lipgloss. Then go say "hello handsome" to your husband. He won't be thinking "mother of my children" or "spender of my paycheck" or "the shrew who serves microwave dinners and complains." He'll be thinking...well, nothing. He'll be too busy unzipping and shoving you into the bedroom.

Reason #3: Even shopping for lingerie is sexy. Try it: shop online for lingerie with your husband. Ask him what he likes, then ask him for the credit card. Or if you steal some time to go shopping by yourself (don't do this with a kid in tow--it's depressing and weird, trust me), have fun trying on a bunch of different styles. You may be surprised to see how good lingerie looks on you, no matter what you think of your body (see #4).

Reason #4: Camouflage. You might think that because your post-baby body isn't perfect, you shouldn't try to dress sexy. You are so, so wrong. The beauty of lingerie is that it can strategically cover up the parts you aren't so happy with...even during sex! A crotchless teddy can be kept on the entire time, keeping your bulging belly under wraps (and even keeping your breasts covered up, which some breastfeeding women may prefer). A silk chemise shows off your cleavage while concealing your chub at the waistline or hips. And have you tried the new boyshorts style of panties that seem to have cropped up everywhere? They are very flattering to a lot of body types. Add a matching cami and you're one hot mama.

Reason #5: It mixes things up. It's hard to stay excited about a sex life when you've been married X number of years and have birthed X number of children. Any simple little things we can do to keep it fresh, shake up the routine, and help us think sexier are important. Putting on lingerie is an easy thing all of us can do. So...do it.