Small Actors, Big Parts

Role play has somehow been in the cards for me lately. I keep finding tips and articles and more recently a short story involving sexy costumes and naughty characters. Now, you'd think I'd be all up in its business being an actress and all. But I'm a little meh about it. Like, you're never gonna have to fight me for that Princess Leia outfit at the party store. Nor the sexy fill-in-the-blank.

But that doesn't mean I can't role play in my mind.

Intrigued?

I was reading a short story about a woman who put on a costume and pretended to be a prostitute and let her husband get anal with her. I'm not going there, it's not our anniversary, but part of the delight was that with the costume, she felt more like the character and felt sexier and was more willing to try new things.

So why not skip the costume and just play that hooker in your mind? No need to hit the wig shop. Instead of a catholic school girl, why not pretend you're a woman who gives the best head? Or maybe you're the woman who's completely in charge and takes control like a boss. Or even the sexy teacher showing her student the "Fibonacci sequence."

Confidence is half the battle in the bedroom. So mentally costuming can only add to the fun. It'll be easier to try that new position or toy if you're not in your head, but somebody else is...

Self Help

Vibrators as common as toaster ovens?

Tips for Date Night

Everyone says how important date night is for the marriage. Oftentimes a slow down in the bedroom can be immediately reversed by just a little adult only time. I recently enjoyed a really great date night with my husband and remembered why it's the number one piece of advice for parents. My husband and I don't have a sitter that we use, so we rely on the kindness of family members to watch our children. Here are a couple of other ways to go about it:

• Swap with another couple that is as desperate as you are to get out. You watch their kids, they'll watch yours. This could be tricky for a late date, as it would disrupt bedtime schedules, so maybe make it a matinee and early dinner date on a Saturday. Get home just in time for the kids to be exhausted and maybe you'll get the evening to yourselves as well. And once the kids are old enough, you can swap sleepovers and really get a night to yourself.
  

• Look into Parents' Night Out options locally. Many indoor playgrounds and gyms, such as My Gym, offer an evening of tiring fun for the kids while you and your husband go to dinner and whatever. This way you can think of it as a treat for the whole family. Also, many churches offer a similar service.

• Split up the night out. Kimberly* has a friend who goes out with the girls for a couple of hours and then gets home in time for her husband's late meet-up with his buddies. They both get a break without the babysitting fees. Maybe the reconnecting-with-your-spouse part comes later in the evening, but who cares as long as your getting it?

Once all the stars align and you work out some child care solution, here are some other things to consider for date night.

• Have sex first. If you can, drop those kids off and come back home. It's intoxicating to have your home to yourself. You can make noise, play music that's inappropriate for children and generally be an adult like you used to. If you and your husband start the evening with a little grown-up pleasure, believe me it will only get better. Then you can go out (or not) and there's always time for a little more loving once the kids are home and sleeping.

• Try not to over-schedule. Leave time for spontaneity. Don't try dinner and a movie if you're going to have to rush back. My husband and I had a great time wandering leisurely through a jewelry store together. We weren't going to buy a thing and that made it feel like such an indulgence.

• Maybe read a newspaper. Some people have a hard and fast rule; no talking about the kids on date night. I'm not one of those. I like to talk about our children when they can't overhear us. However, I need to be ready for the conversation to move on to other topics. This can be really hard for me because I don't pay attention to anything going on in the world. I think from now on I'm going to prepare for date night by reading up on a few things. I'm not saying you should prep for a job interview or the Larry King Show, just what interests you. Check out some entertainment news or maybe read up on your favorite sports teams. Maybe even check out what has gone viral on YouTube. Just don't be boring!

Kimberly*? Jen*? Thoughts to share?

Guide to Junk

In a recent episode of Pot Psychology, a hilariously candid video advice column, Rich reveals that for a time he could not "finish" solely from oral sex. Someone wrote in regarding a boyfriend who doesn't ejaculate from oral sex. And she was wondering if it was her fault. I thought this was interesting, because I bet a lot of women think they're doing something wrong, when it could just be your man.

According to this article from Lifscript: A Girls' Guide to Her Guy's Equipment: 8 things you should know about his penis, a man's equipment is only as good as he treats it. Therefore, if he's not gettin' off, it's not you, it's him.

The article also has information about size and stamina. And information about morning wood and blue balls. And also that "erectile woes are often the first indicator of serious health problems." So having sex can be like a visit to the doctor. You just need your sexy doctor outfit!

Sexy Movie Thursday

Okay, so sometimes we here at YouGot10Minutes are lazy. By "we" I mean "me." It's hard for me to find time to watch a sexy movie. I even tried on demand,...nothin'. Seems movie goers these days prefer gore to sex. What're you gonna do?

So. I surfed around and found this sort of funny top ten list of sexy movies. Gayot, a guide famous for restaurant reviews, has a bunch of best of movie lists. The Top 10 Sexy Movies is pretty good. But I think it was written by my dad. Number one? Barbarella.

Here are the rest:
2. Last Tango in Paris
3. The Man Who Loved Women
4. Caligula
5. Body Heat
6. Bull Durham
7. The Unbearable Lightness of Being*
8. Henry and June*
9. Out of Sight
10. 9 Songs

There's a little blurb about each one and a link to amazon.

I looked at their other lists to see if I agreed with those. Best Romances included The Cutting Edge. Really? Really, Gayot? Toepick is a top ten best romantic movie? What about French Kiss? Or When Harry Met Sally? (Wow. I must really like Meg Ryan).

So take this list as you want. It at least gave me a few ideas and a good laugh.



*Also on the YG10M list to be reviewed eventually.

(Not) Doing It All

I have discovered that being the type of woman who can Do It All leads to Not Doing It At All. At least for me.

I'm a stay-at-home-mom of many small children who has done smidges of freelance work in the past. But I recently took on a large freelance project that has pretty much taken over all my spare time, and then some. Now, I'm squeezing in work all day long in between the home and childcare duties.

My husband hasn't changed his schedule. So when he gets home at night and flops on the couch and says he's tired...it's not that I don't believe him, but I can't help but think how much more tired and drained I am. Not only did I work too, but I did it while still keeping the rest of our lives running.

Resentment=not hot.

I've stopped exercising. I'm not sleeping well. I haven't been treating myself to anything except a bowl of ice cream at night before collapsing.

And, obviously, I haven't been having any sex.

I think that if I had to go back to work fulltime it would be easier than this. Working in a nice quiet office all day long would be relaxing in many ways, and we'd all settle into the groove. But this patchwork of home and family and work is not working, and the romance department received the most massive cuts of all.

I'm here to admit that I can't do it all, and when this job is over I will go back to being a plain old mom and wife (and lover) with more satisfaction (and hopefully a lot more lovin').

Talkin' Sex

There's a line at the end of the latest Chris Rock HBO Special, Kill the Messenger. He says something about fellatio that would make Dr. Ruth blush and then says "Half the women in this audience think that's disgusting. The other half are in loving relationships."

I laughed so hard I peed a little! It's so true!

I have a friend who recently got engaged and she was talking about the love making being very loving. But she prefers something a little rougher. And was worried about telling her fiance.

If you view marriage as "'til death do you part," that's a long time to go without getting what you want. So talk to your partner. It can be embarrassing, but this person loves you and wants to make you happy. Maybe whisper it in his ear in the heat of the moment. Or there's always the golden rule, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Which might not work for every sexual quirk, but could be fun! I have been known to take my husbands hands and place them where I want them. No words, just moving and he gets the picture.

Sex in loving relationships is a little like Vegas, what happens there, stays there. So be honest and don't deny yourself pleasure! Who knows? Your husband could want the same thing, but is afraid to tell you! And you could be missing out on mind blowing sex because of a little embarrassment.

Is That A Rocket In Your Pocket?

Nope. Just my iPhone.

Ladies, now you can hide your personal pleasure device in plain sight. Not only is it okay to love your iPhone, now you can LOVE your iPhone. Check out the latest app, reviewed on Gizmodo.

Did I mention it's free?

Have you downloaded it yet?

Why can't we talk about "it"?

Sex, I mean. Yeah, I typed it! I've typed it a lot lately. And I have to say that typing it has actually made my sex life better. You know what else works? Talking about it. Having positive conversations with girlfriends/sisters/mothers (yeah, that's right), leads to a more fulfilling sex life.

I was sort of a late bloomer. I was raised Mormon and sex is sort of taboo. I believe it was referred to as "heavy petting." Even though many of my role models in the church were super pious perfection and we were taught to wait until marriage to have sex, my mother still knew enough about hormones and teenagers to inoculate me with enough knowledge to let me decide when I was ready. The talks were usually in the car. I can still picture the little deer farm we drove by when we first discussed "waiting until you're in love."

Now all this knowledge made me very book smart about sex. I was the go-to girl when it came to anal and semen and all that. But I hadn't even kissed a boy. And my first experience was sort of a let down. (Which my mother told me it would be). So, more reading.

Cut to 10 years later, I'm with a man I adore and we've been married 5 years, together for 10, with two kids under 4. We used to be great together, but now my body is different, my hormones are different and I'm barely staying afloat in the mommy sea. I want to make myself happy, because who else is gonna do it, and keep my husband happy, too. But the mommy thing makes it nearly impossible. Nearly. And that's why I love my girlfriends. One mention of, "Sometimes I'm too tired,..."and I get empathy and ideas.

And that's what we're here for. So use us. And don't be shy.

Our First Giveaway!! - WINNER!

According to Random.org, the winner of the sexy weekend bag is commenter #1! Congratulations pandapanda! Expect an email for your address and stuff later on today! Enjoy!

Martini for Mama

You may have noticed that we approve of alcohol as a means of getting in the mood for sex. We're not saying it's the only way...but if a drink helps us relax and and makes the old husband look a mite more attractive than usual...then it seems like a pretty good thing.

Here are my super-easy directions for having Mama Martinis at home...any time you want.

1. Buy a bottle of vodka and put it in the freezer. It won't freeze solid--it stays liquid and wonderfully cold. If you have a shaker and a swank glass, so much the better (though they're not required).


2. Choose a mixer--whatever's on hand. Juice, soda, sparkling lemonade. Pretty much anything you like the taste of, you'll like even more with a shot of vodka.


Hey, if the only thing you've got is a juice box...go for it.


Some leftover colored sugar in the pantry? Sweet. Rub a lemon wedge (or a finger dipped in juice) around the rim of your glass and dip it in the sugar. Add your juice and vodka, and a little ice if you like.


Well lookee here! A pretty pink drink that took about 30 seconds to fix. You'll feel gorgeous and grown-up sipping this, and you'll look hot to your husband when he sees you relaxing and enjoying yourself.


Bottoms up! Got any favorite mixers to recommend?

Sexy Movie Thursday

Sometimes you need think-ie movies and sometimes you just need something fun. True Blood is fun. It's based on the Charlaine Harris Southern Vampire series, which is already a good time, but since it's translated by Alan Ball, it's darker and sexier.

From imdb.com:

The series follows Sookie Stackhouse, a barmaid living in Louisiana who can read people's minds, and how her life is turned upside down when the Vampire Bill, walks into her place of employment two years after vampires 'came out of the coffin' on national television.

I loved season one and when it ended, immediately went to the library and read every book in the series. It's different, but like I've said previously, if I'm gonna escape that world needs to be as different as possible. And without kids. And basset hounds.

Season two looks to be amazing. And it's always fun to get wrapped up in a series.

Vampire Scale:
Brad Pitt in Interview with the Vampire

Watchable with Husband?
Sure. It's full of sex and addiction and girls is short-shorts.

Available Digitally?
Yes. iTunes.

View Trailer?
Sort of.

S&M&M's

So there I was, reading my "stories" when I came upon a very strange scene. Set in Victorian England, the hero decides, in the middle of the act, that he can help his lady reach her peak by tying her up. He reaches for his silk cravat and ties her wrists together above her head and then, well, everything...works out.

So I start thinking. First, how amazing it was that a man thought of someone else at that point, and then how if it came down to that, tying me up, the available accoutrements were laughable. I pictured a scene with my husband rushing,naked through the house searching for some kind of tether that won't chafe. And coming back to me with some wooden kids pull toy.

Further along in the book, the hero purchases a Japanese silk cord. (How presumptuous!) And I had to see what the fuss was all about. So here it is.

I brought this dilemma to the ladies* and they came up with neckties, which my husband doesn't wear, belts or silk scarves. Hermes, perhaps?

If you have something like this, you should throw it in your pleasure chest. Just in case. You don't want to end up with that pull toy like me.

Sexy Back

I have a good friend who was having trouble "getting back on the horse" after childbirth. She tried a few things, but couldn't seem to get back up there. Then, she bought a treadmill. She started walk/running at least 30 minutes a day. After a few days she said, "I think this may be my self-actualization sex readjustment tool."

Not everyone is going to respond to that particular "tool" the way my friend did. But there are other ways. Here's a woman who got a bikini wax shaped like a martini and got her sex life back.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the same things don't work for everyone. Some women try exercise, some try vitamins, and some--like me--try Cape Cods.

Maybe trying a few new things could be the key to unlocking your sexy door. What's worked for you?

Our First Giveaway: Sexy Weekend Bag

Jen* and I picked up this little number while on a field trip for our Target posts. We found everything you need for a quick weekend jaunt and it all fits in a sassy little bag. For $7.

All you have to do is post a comment telling us where you would go for a weekend away with your husband.

Good Luck!

You have until midnight PDT, Friday, June 19th to post. Please include a way to contact you if you win. Winners will be randomly chosen via random.org.

Sexy Etsy

Thanks to Jen*, I've been looking for lingerie lately. And when I look, I get discouraged because it looks either "bride-like" or "waif-like." I'm a bigger lady, size 12, and want something that will compliment my post-baby curves and not make me feel like a mildly sexy sausage.

My other issue is color. I love color. And most of the chemises and teddy's are black and white and red. Where are the teals and magentas? The olives and ceruleans?

While on my daily etsy visit, I decided to browse their lingerie. Which is no small feat, almost half of the search contained garters in every flavor imaginable. But I did find some super cute panties and bras and sets. Some of which are custom made!
Latisha Chemise by chicffonintimate. Ah, magenta! And made of super soft bamboo. Comes in sizes extra small to large.
ladramaqueen's Martini Olive Green Bra Set with High-Waisted Panty. So cute and vintage! Include your measurements when you order and the seller will help you with sizing. Mix and match sizes 0-20.

OnTheInside's Sweetspire Camisole. Super sexy, I included the "conservative" photo. Made in sizes extra small through extra large. You can convo with the seller for sizing help.

Sandmaiden bamboo and organic cotton onesie. Sounds deliciously soft and sexy. Also? Made to order! You pick the colors and provide measurements.

Banikki Bloomettes by Under The Root I love this! So very Moulin Rouge! Made to order with sizing and measuring information on the site. As well as a color chart.

This is just a sampling of my favorites. Other things I found on etsy? A metal corset, pasties, victorian corsets, applewood dildos, and a mug that reads, "I snatch kisses and vice versa." Long live handmade!


P.S. All items are around $60. Including sets!

Incentives

An article in the New York Times entitled "When Sex Leaves the Marriage" will tell you everything you need to know about why our mission here at You Got 10 Minutes is so important!

Couples who have more sex are happier and stay together longer. Also, the longer you go without, the harder it is to get back the intimacy. So don't go thinking that you two will be like porn stars once the kids go to college because it will be way too late!

Also, here's what I learned: the average married couple has sex 58 times a year. Maybe I'll start keeping track and see how we measure up!

Sexy Movie Thursday

Mulholland Dr. is a strange movie. But sexy! And complex! And my husband likes it!
It is the story of two women. Rita (Laura Herring) is in a car accident in her limo and loses her memory. She stumbles upon a Hollywood apartment complex and Betty (Naomi Watts). The two women decide to search together for Rita's identity.
Betty eventually falls in love with Rita and they make love.

But nothing in this film is what it seems. There are blue keys and blue boxes and $50,000 of cash in a purse. It's dark and sexy and Lynch-ian.

Maybe it's the Hollywood stuff, but I love this film. I love that it's female driven and that it's mysterious and sexy.

Hollywood Landmark Scale:
Grauman's Chinese Theatre

Watchable with husband:
Yes. Hot girl-on-girl with Laura Herring and Naomi Watts.

Available digitally?
iTunes, rent or buy
Amazon, rent or buy

View trailer?
You should.

Don't Shut Down the Sexy

I'm loving this blog. I'm getting great ideas, I'm gaining confidence and things are going well in my marriage bed. But something always kills the momentum. It's like your gym membership. Remember, that monthly bill that you pay and ignore even though you don't quite know where your membership card is anymore? "I was doing great for two whole months, but then I got sick and my mom came to visit and then things picked up at work or preschool or American Idol..." Before you know it you're out of the habit again.

Same thing happens with sex for me. We'll be doing great. Stealing our sexy time two or three times a week and feeling good about it. Then something comes up. Usually my period. Then someone gets sick and just plain needs to sleep. Or the kids get sick and someone has to stay up all night. Then we go visit some relatives and sleep on a crappy air mattress in their basement and no way is that going to happen. Before I know it, we feel like strangers again.

The problem is, I'm pretty good at shutting off my sexual desires. I don't believe that I need sex (even though I'm starting to realize that I'm better off with more of it.) Kimberly* and I spoke about this and she thinks it goes hand in hand with being a mom. She said, "As moms, have we not taken the worst chicken breast, the smallest baked potato? How easy to slip from denying yourself in one part of your life to denying yourself in all parts." It's so true and it's precisely why we need more pleasure in the bedroom, not less of it. I need to really make the mental shift that sex is something good and pleasurable for me, not just something I do for my husband. So I will deal with the setbacks that life gives me and then I will put on that sexy movie, drink a glass of wine in my lingerie and I will not shut down the sexy!

Fantasizing About Fantasies

Sometimes a good fantasy is all you need after a day of folding laundry and making pot roast. That moment before bed when you lie there, contemplating sex and maybe thinking yourself into it. Maybe you envision your husband is a vampire or simply a sexy stranger. It can be very exciting! Now, actually telling your husband, that can be terrifying!

Amber Madison, the resident sexpert of Betty Confidential.com, answers questions about sexual fantasies and has tips to help you communicate them to your partner. She also reminds us that they are fantasies, not realities.

So, I'll leave you to it. The pool boy is here and my parent's are out of town...

Smelling Sexy

I've been thinking a lot lately about the separation of woman and mom. And ways to make the line between them more clear. Jen* and I were on a random date and ended up browsing the Sephora. We started trying on perfumes and talking about what we liked, i.e. smelling clean, and I was reminded of my fragrance quest.

I decided that fragrance is what will make my double yellow line between the two worlds. A daytime flavor and one I wear for "special" occasions.

When I was younger, my friend's mother always smelled like roses. Which I have always thought to be super cool. Every time you hugged her, roses! Even now, when I smell roses I think of her. And that's what I need. A signature scent, but for sexy time. So when I put it on, I feel sexier and the sense memory will, hopefully, trigger lust in my husband.

While looking for information about sex and smell (sorry, ew.), I found this website, ozMoz.com. It seeks to teach the world about perfume from its history to the manufacturing process. And they have a quiz! To help you find your scent! And even though it's based on strange pictures, it was dead on. I am a citrus with a sub-group aromatic. Stunning! I wear a grapefruit spray everyday! And have owned two of the perfumes on the resulting list!

So now my search has been made that much easier. But just for fun, I'm still browsing here. There's nothing like smelling like cinnamon buns to turn your man on!

Sexy Target: Part 3

Are you ready to GET IT ON (for $9.99)?

Target is so full of good times that we are now on Part 3! In this section, Target will help you get in the mood for an evening of good lovin'. Movies, books, candles and booze...that's all it takes for me. And by purchasing it all at Target, I'm a cheap lay! Just what my husband likes.

First, let's begin with movies. Daniel Craig? Olivier Martinez? Yes, please!

Now that our eyes are stimulated, let's move onto our brains. One of these tossed into a cart full of household necessities will hardly even be noticed. Trust us--those Target checkers don't seem to raise their eyebrows at anything:

There's nothing worse than trying to have a cocktail at the end of a busy day and the only clean glasses in the cabinet have Elmo on them. Buy yourself some sexy new equipment for your mood enhancing drinks. Just holding a martini glass makes me feel sexier:

Target doesn't sell liquor, but it does have a ton of wine. Cheap and fancy, box and bottle. The new smaller boxes are cute and discreet, so you don't have to feel like a lush with a giant Franzia clogging up the fridge:
And finally, here is our arrangement for a sexy night, complete with pleasure chest, candles, chocolate, and wine. We also included a little pack of blank notes. Why not start the foreplay in the morning before work? A note slipped into a pocket or lunch can do more with sheer anticipation than some of the sexiest lingerie:

It's nice to be able to run regular errands and pick up a few things to keep the romance in your relationship. Like I needed more reasons to love Target?

Sexy Target: Part 2

Oh, Target, you sweet mistress of the dark! Part two of Sexy Target features Jen* and I perusing only two aisles. But these two aisles are chock full of fun! Anything you need for your lady parts is available. And for every stage:

A Kama Sutra Weekender Kit? Awesome. With flavored massage oils, powders and a feather duster. I hear a sexcation rumbling in the distance!
I had never heard of freezable lubricant cubes. And Target has them:
I used to use "the economy is bad" as a reason to not put-out. Looks like I need a new reason. Target? Thanks:
On sale for $26.39? This must pack a serious punch:
These were pretty lame as a "personal device," what with having to hold the button down to use, but sometimes a nice back-rub is all you need to get in the mood. And for $5:
Okay, now we're talkin'. Hydragel massager with heat.
Oh, Target, how I love your travel size section! Jen* and I spent $7 and we made the perfect weekender getaway bag! Exotic body wash with natural sponge, masculine body spray, altoids, lubricant and even clean-up, all in a handy little bag!
Next Up: Let's Get it On. Check back Monday!

Sexy Movie Thursday

The L Word is a series that ran for several years on Showtime. It follows the life and lust of Jenny Schecter who moves in with her straight fiancee in West Hollywood only to discover she is more interested in the lifestyle of the lesbian neighbors. The L Word has a great ensemble cast that gives you a window into a variety of lesbian relationships and some really hot love scenes.

I think Season One was the hottest.


Equal-Rights-for-Same-Sex-Couples-Scale:
Dick Cheney would love it!


Watchable With Your Husband?
Yes! If he enjoys watching a little girl on girl action, it will entice him to actually watch this relationship drama with you.

Sexy Target: Part 1

Kimberly* and I set out to prove it's possible to stock up on sexy at the store we go to most: Target. You can pick up all your household essentials, push your kid(z) around in a red cart, stop for popcorn at the snack bar...and buy all your sexy equipment...all under one roof. Awesome.

First stop: lingerie. Yep, they got it. Hot stuff! You can put together a little outfit for under $40:

Just FYI, this here would be a big NO:

Next: new, super soft, eco-friendly bamboo sheets. Mmm. Wouldn't it be nice to slip into these with your man (Stay away from dark colors!):

While you're at it, why not update the love nest with new bedding? We found cushy comforters in stylish shades for not too much moolah. I'm thinking a new set of bedding would be inspirational. It would sure make me want to go to bed earlier, if nothing else:

Next up: Lubricate & Vibrate! Check back tomorrow.

Girls Just Need to Have Fun.

Jen* wrote recently about how incredibly necessary it is to have Girls Nights Out. And there is now scientific evidence to back this up. According to a study by University of Michigan, bonding with girlfriends raises your progesterone level, reducing anxiety and stress. And progesterone is one of the hormones most closely associated with your libido.

One of my favorite parts about writing this blog is that I get to hang out with amazing women and discuss "business." We arrange playdates where we drink diet coke, talk about s-e-x and giggle. And even though I know my children are there, a little part of me feels like I did before I had kids. Like a woman, not a mom.

Now I have scientific proof that I only do it to help my marriage. And $5 martinis are way cheaper than therapy.

Sex Tips from Dudes

Glamour magazine has a lot of these little slideshows. And usually they're pretty general and lame. But this one cracked me up. His Top 10 Sex Wishes Revealed features five wishes each from the married and the single guy. The contrast made me laugh out loud!


Please wear...

The single guy says: ...my work shirt instead of a robe in the morning. Then I'll put it on and smell you all day.

The married guy says: ...something more sensual than an old, ratty tee and Hello! Kitty flannels. However, I promise to step it up too.

It's so funny how the single dude is living out his fantasies and the married guy has all but given up. I bet, if pressed, he wouldn't even mind the flannel if he knew he was gettin' some.