Sexy Target: Part 2

Oh, Target, you sweet mistress of the dark! Part two of Sexy Target features Jen* and I perusing only two aisles. But these two aisles are chock full of fun! Anything you need for your lady parts is available. And for every stage:

A Kama Sutra Weekender Kit? Awesome. With flavored massage oils, powders and a feather duster. I hear a sexcation rumbling in the distance!
I had never heard of freezable lubricant cubes. And Target has them:
I used to use "the economy is bad" as a reason to not put-out. Looks like I need a new reason. Target? Thanks:
On sale for $26.39? This must pack a serious punch:
These were pretty lame as a "personal device," what with having to hold the button down to use, but sometimes a nice back-rub is all you need to get in the mood. And for $5:
Okay, now we're talkin'. Hydragel massager with heat.
Oh, Target, how I love your travel size section! Jen* and I spent $7 and we made the perfect weekender getaway bag! Exotic body wash with natural sponge, masculine body spray, altoids, lubricant and even clean-up, all in a handy little bag!
Next Up: Let's Get it On. Check back Monday!

Shopping for condoms

You may have guessed from my post about, um, neck massagers that I am a fan of drugstore.com. I like that you can buy your advil, kleenex, shampoo, baby wipes, neck massager (and whatever else you might want for the bedroom) all in one online place, and your credit card and box are labeled with a nice, friendly, G-rated store name. And hey! You can get condoms there too!

But sometimes you don't want to wait that long. Like the time Kimberly* was in a shopping center and she saw a frantic young man sweating bullets pass her at a dead run, then pass again three minutes later with something in his hand. That something? You guessed it. Pack of condoms. Kimberly had to wonder if the young lady in question would be as enthusiastic by the time the energetic guy returned. One hopes.

But for us moms, I do NOT recommend is that you go condom shopping at most grocery stores or drug stores. Nothing personal against them, except that in my experience, the condoms are either (A) behind the counter and you have to ask for them or (B) in a really conspicuous spot.

I remember running into CVS one night to get condoms and a pregnancy test (ya know how it is) and feeling like I was on display when I had to stand in full view of everyone waiting in line for the pharmacy counter while I made my selections.

My top spot? Target. If you're anything like us, you already love Target. Now you have another reason. At Target (at least the locations I've been to) the condoms are stocked in the same quiet aisle as the tampons, pregnancy tests, ovulation kits, and all those KY "heating" and "tingly" lubricants. Generally there are only women in this aisle, and I feel like I can hide out, take my time, and compare all the varieties and prices. If only Target would wise up and throw in a few neck massagers on this aisle! 

"You guys need a plan A!"

About seven years ago my boyfriend and I made a Saturday morning stop at the Planned Parenthood. He waited in the car while I buzzed and said into the loud speaker, for all to hear, "Emergency Contraception!" I wasn't yelling, but that speaker could make a whisper sound like a bellow. I filled out the paperwork and waited. Finally, the physician's assistant took me into a room, gave me the pills, detailed instructions, and sent me on my way.

I took one pill and wrote a note on my hand to remember to take the second in twelve hours. (If I could remember to take pills, I wouldn't be at the Planned Parenthood on a lovely Saturday morning).

It was very anti-climactic. I expected the pill taking to do something to me. Like Alice. Like I should shrink or grow. Or, at the very least, become enraptured by a white rabbit.

Six and a half years and two kids later, (my boyfriend now my husband), I found myself at the Rite-Aid getting carded and spending $50 on Plan-B once again. I was still trying to figure out what kind of birth control to use. IUD? Pill? I had to talk to my doctor. In the meantime, I used nothing.

Two months after that, I worried that the pharmacist might reach for the Plan-B on recognition. It was my third time, to which my sister exclaimed, "You guys need a plan 'A!'"

The third time really bothered me. I had weird uterine contractions and felt icky. I did not like it one bit. I told my husband I wasn't taking it again.

I finally straightened out my birth control, and the nice ladies at the PP also included two packages of Plan-B. Which, at this point, frightened me. I accepted them. You never know. But I'm hoping not to use them.

I found this excellent article on a blog written by Dr. Sari Locker, a noted sexologist, pointing out the misconceptions and reality of Plan-B. I learned a few things about how it works in our bodies and thought if anyone was considering it, she's a much better source than the pharmacist.

Hormone Imbalance Quiz

Every month our bodies ebb and flow with hormones. After having kids, my world changed. I got the same ebb and flow, just more intense. I was feeling terribly down right before my period and the flow was a bit more than I could handle.

DVR to the rescue! That delightful device taped an Oprah episode featuring Suzanne Somers and her hormone ritual. It also featured regular women with the symptoms I had; low sex drive, slight depression, feeling "not great." Their hormones were checked and women who should have an estrogen level of 200, had a level of 20. 20!

I knew something was off with me anyway, so I was determined to get my hormones checked. After reading and talking to girlfriends, I discovered that, for me, birh control might be my savior. (I'll get back to you on that later).

I found this quiz at Women in Balance. A non-profit women's hormone advocate. It's very pro-hormone replacement therapy, so remember to talk to your doctor. This is just a little quiz to help determine if you may have an imbalance. And one of the few not linked to some kind of expensive program.

Adventures at Planned Parenthood

After a brief hiatus, (and two babies), I decided to try Planned Parenthood again. There's something comforting about the sheer number of vaginas they've seen. They are never gonna peer up in there and gasp in horror; they've seen everything.
Back in my pre-marriage days, I stopped by and found out I had HPV. Very matter of fact diagnoses, no pity, no judgments. And then weekly visits for treatments. And there's nothin' better than a Planned Parenthood Saturday morning.
My decision to go back was mostly due to not being able to schedule an appointment with my gynecologist for birth control. And then, even if I did get a prescription from him, I'd have to go to the drug store once a month to refill my prescription. (I know there are internet refills, but the one we can use is lame and expensive). And PP will give you thirteen cycles of birth control. Thirteen! And that is worth the price of admission.
One of the great things about the PP is the sense of commaderie, (and desperation),that fills the room. As I walked up the path to the front door, a woman leaving smiled at me. And once inside I ended up in a conversation with a woman who was getting an abortion. Maybe it's the anonymity. And the fact that it's just nice to discuss the secret that brought us there.
After waiting and waiting I finally got to be swabbed by a doctor. And because I know they can sometimes be a little rough, I may have firmly stated, "I had C-Sections!" I don't think she cared. But, awesomely, created the slides for viewing right then and maybe six minutes later gave me a bag of Ortho Evra*, (the patch), and some antibiotics for a delightful little cervical infection. Good times!
For someone like me with two kids and not a lot of time and not a lot of memory, I think it's a good place to go for birth control. I don't have to remember to get refills once a month and there's no pharmacy. Just a brown paper bag full of fun!

*I want to share my The Patch experiences with you. Stay tuned!