8 Reasons You're Not Having Enough Sex

Bettina Arndt, a sexologist in Britain, asked 98 couples to keep diaries about their sex lives. She then published these findings in a book entitled The Sex Diaries: Why Women Go Off Sex and Other Bedroom Battles. "[She] uncovers the night-time drama being played out in bedrooms everywhere - the creeping hand and feigning of sleep, the staying up late in the hope that he will doze off." Well, that sold me...

The Frisky recently published the Cliff's Notes version of the book with 8 Reasons You're Not Having Enough Sex. Let's look at them, shall we, and see what we can do about it:

1. Rejection

Okay, that one hurts. But it's probably not entirely personal. As usual it's about them and what they want. And they want to sleep. One of the ways to combat this would be sex scheduling. Not my favorite thing, but you wouldn't get that knife to the gut feeling whenever you got the cold shoulder.

2. S/he doesn't want me anymore

May all be in your head. I have the stomach of a gal who had 2 c-sections and my husband still loves my body. But I don't. So most of the negativity I feel comes from me. And that little voice inside that says I can look like Heidi Klum if I just treadmilled it more often.

3. S/he doesn't take out the trash

Yeah. That sucks. Trash stinks. But how 'bout asking instead of expecting them to do something and then being disappointed that they don't. That old bitch "communication" is back and she'd like to be used.

4. Tired of failing sexual expectations

My husband says "Expectations are resentments waiting to happen." I don't know who originally said that, I hope it wasn't Dr. Phil or something. But we're back to communication again. Not exactly the most pleasing conversation to have, but necessary. If it's not going well, TALK ABOUT IT! Maybe you both like being spanked, but would never know because you're just pouting after sex about how it wasn't rough enough.

5. Women's libidos just aren't as strong as men's

Just. Not. True. Why do you think Viagra was invented? We happen to have cycles, though. Which means sometimes we're on fire and sometimes we'd rather sleep. But don't fall back on that old chestnut. Believe what your body tells you.

6. Women don't want sex until someone touches them

I think we need t-shirts for bed that read, "Sometimes I just want to snuggle." It would be nice to touch and hold each other without it ending in sex. And also, when you do want it to end in sex some kind of signal would be good. Maybe the t-shirt has "Let's do it," printed on the back and you need only turn around. And also? Sometimes a glass or two of wine can put me in the mood for sex, touching not necessary.

7. Disappointed by how life turned out

I don't know what to say about this one. Except maybe get off your ass and start living. It's not gonna change if you avoid sex and pout about your double-wide.

8. S/he constantly pesters me for sex

Another time when scheduling sex can help. How much is necessary? Communication again. Talk this one out. It simultaneouly sucks and blows to be on either end of this one. But a quick conversation can help everyone get what they want. And the scheduling doesn't have to be so specific. Maybe one Sunday you try for three times.

Clearly, I'm not an expert. But I'm pretty good at calling bullshit. I'm also guilty of a bunch of these myself. If you're in your marriage 'til death you do part, communication seems to be the key to getting there. Not getting to death. Geez. That's creepy. Just keeping your marriage and intimate life going until you're at your 75th wedding anniversary and all the kids and grandkids get grossed out when you tell everyone you still do it.

Keeping Up With the Smiths

I make a general assumption that people visiting my house will not be having sex during their visit. Unless it's a couple staying in the guest bedroom for a few days. But a party? A barbeque? No, I figure if you get to feeling randy at my place, that's great! It will give you something to do when you get home.

But maybe I'm way off base. You see it in movies all the time. The hungry, stilettoed lady catches a glimpse of her slick, long-haired mate across the room and the next thing you know they're pounding it out in the bathroom. But that's just Hollywood, isn't it? Real people wouldn't risk flinging all that DNA around a friend's, or even a stranger's home, would they?

Recently, Jada Pinkett Smith talked about her and hubby Will doing just that at parties and even in the limo on the way to the Oscars. (Was that their personal limo? If not, who used it next?) It makes me wonder if I'm missing out on a lot of opportunities to get freaky with my husband. I sort of considered it just a common courtesy to control myself. However, discretion and self-control don't come up in a lot of conversations about hot marriages. Maybe I need to be a bit more adventurous...but I'm still suspicious.

Really, Jada? You had sex on the way to the Oscars? I don't care how down to earth you are, your life has to be all about "the image" and controlling what you want and what you do not want said about you, your marriage and your family. And, the OSCARS? It's only the one place and time when any celebrity is the most diligently scrutinized. Really, Jada? I'm sorry, if Will Smith was making eyes at me I would hold him off with my muscled thighs and stiletto heels (this is assuming, of course, that I am used to tapping that on a regular basis and that I have a personal trainer to muscle my thighs.) No. You think again, Mr. Smith, not even you are gonna muss my lipstick tonight! Maybe, Jada, just maybe, you are image savvy and the sex-in-the-limo story amounts to nothing more than a great fantasy that leads us all to believe that you are really that much hotter than the rest of us.

[As an added note: Kimberly tried to find a picture of The Smiths at this year's Oscars. You know what? There weren't any! You know why? That's right. They were doing it. Damn you, Jada, you really are that much hotter than me.]

Kinky Night In: On a Budget

The Frisky had an interesting article recently, Everything You Need For A Kinky Night In. We at YG10M love a shopping trip, but after I added up all of their S&M goodies, the $995 pricetag gave me a jolt. And not the good kind. So I headed off to my local 99 Cents Only store to see what I could find to kinkify your boudoir.

The one thing I knew they would have were the cosmetics. Red nail polish and red lip gloss. Simple, quick changes that can work wonders. Especially a glossy, red mouth!

My next item proved a bit harder. A black push-up bra. Their version was sexy and lacy, and $41, ours is more "sexy girlfriend." A cotton lace-edged tank with a sheer red thong. Which can totally work. Especially for $2.

Riding crop? For reals? Here's what I found for $1:

I know. Not the best. But slightly padded with rubber with a gorgeous rainbow wood stained handle. It's S&M-ie,...no? Well, it gets worse. This one involves crafting skills:

I thought maybe a little hot glue, a bit of leather...smack! Pleasure abounds! Okay, I'm reaching...

For our next accoutrement of pleasure, The Frisky mentions a nice silk rope as a restraint. I love a multi-tasker, and sparkles, so I give you:

After that, and this weird policy the 99 cent store had of setting the air conditioner at 99 degrees, I hightailed it to Target, (my first love), to fill in the rest. Just to recap so far:

The Frisky: $91

YG10M: $7

Now, Target was slightly more complicated, I had left the tougher items for them to fill in. We still need Christian Louboutins, a corset, a blindfold and handcuffs. Not exactly my everyday shopping list. I knew the beauty section would have some kind of face mask and it did not disappoint. This little guy was around $5:

The Louboutins could be thought of as impossible to find, but not with my pioneer spirit! And my deep, dark memory. I read somewhere that Martha Stewart has her assistant black sharpie the bottom of her red soled Louboutins. Inspiration! Black patent heels, on sale for $17.84. Sharpies:$5. Feeling sexy in your own shoes: Priceless.

After my coup with the shoes, I was nearly bubbling over with inspiration. And since I felt my riding crops were sort of,...ridiculous...I was happy to keep looking in the one place I knew I could find something. A place where sex toys and pet toys collide. And? It jingles!

Okay. So I would probably remove the bell. I don't want any Pavlovian reactions come Christmas time.

And last but not least, the corset. That one really got me. The only corset-esque item was a black girdle in the shapewear section. The kind that when shifted, rolls, exposing flesier-flesh than if you were naked. Yuck. So, I went with what I found at the 99 Cents Only store...wait for it...

Okay, so not exactly sexy. But confining, won't roll up on you. Could double as a restraint. Unisex color. (Although not exactly racially sensitive). It could work. What do you want for 99 cents?!

Sorry. Ahem...

That leaves us spending a grand total of $33 which is a savings of $962. That's the same as three cups of coffee a day! And now you get to feel sexy, have some fun and still afford college for your little guys.


*I know, I know, I forgot the handcuffs. Use the scarf!

Scheduling Sex: Married People Get It

Scheduling sex, it's a common thread to most articles written about sex and married life. I've always been slightly afraid to try it. Mostly, I hate routines. But also, there's the freedom factor. "Oh, can't got out Tuesday, it's,...um,...I have an appointment."

This article, "Trash Night: What About Sex?"where the author accidentally scheduled her sex sessions on trash night, is hilarious. We all know it's better to be intimate as couples, but after kids it all changes. She questions why sex is so much more desirable to men and why mutual begging became solo begging after childbirth.

Okay, so hormone changes and sheer exhaustion are a couple of the factors, but what about all the positive things a healthy sex life can do? Are we just ignoring those because we're so exhausted? Is a pre-child orgasm different from a postpartum orgasm? You'd think after a day living in a day care a little pleasure could go a long way. But instead it's the opposite.

I can totally identify with the author. I mean, there's no begging, but there is a feeling of "I should hook you up," in our marriage. When I read the comments on the post, I was kind of surprised to see that most of them were about how ridiculous the marriage sounded and how "SCHEDULING SEX?!" was akin to marital suicide (double homicide?). It's no picnic, but the "how sad's" and "if he isn't getting it at home's..." led me to believe these were mostly people without kids. When a mother piped up with:

"You must not be a mother. ;)

Nothing can sap a sex drive like the fatigue that inevitably comes with children. Not to say it can't be revived... "

It was followed by:

Such a cop out. Everybody gets fatigued. Going to work, even to a job you like, is no picnic in today's environment.

I wonder if he's available for babysitting. On trash night.

"Take care of you."

If only all of our best friends were coked out prostitutes. Then we might have someone reminding us about the most important thing to do as a mom, "Take care of you."

Now, I'm all for a spa day, but a lot of stay-at-home-moms are already cutting corners just to stay at home. And the working moms? They have to shell out for daycare. So, what can you do to refresh and feel great without spending a lot of money?

1. Set a date with yourself. Put aside a day a month and send the kids off with dad or grandma. Just to refresh. Alone. There is nothing worse than finally feeling great about grown-up time, only to have the old man catch a glimpse of you fresh from the "steam room" and fancy a go.

2. Take a bath. Obvious, I know. But like the kind with all the paraphernalia. Like a body brush, essential oil, razor,...all that. My routine is as follows: Turn on shower, sprinkle essential oil around the tub. Let the room get steamy. Close and lock the door, (for once!), and switch shower to bath. Settle into the tub and use the brush to gently sweep over and exfoliate your skin, brushing toward your heart. Then shave your legs and other regions. Lay back and relax. Now your whole body clean and smooth.

3. Facial time! In a pinch, I've used baking soda and water for an exfoliating scrub, and olive oil to moisturize. But use whatever makes you happy.

4. Pedicure? Use a pumice sponge to clean your feet and then slap on moisture. My secret for amazing pedicures is to have a great top coat. Use whatever color you want and polish on that diamond hard clear coat. Your toes will look like professionals!

5. Massage. Whatever that means to you.

I'm sure you have your own beauty routine, let this simply be a gentle reminder to pay attention to yourself. You deserve it! Pampering yourself doesn't have to cost a small fortune and you don't even need to leave the house! Exclamation point!

Weekend Love

7 Things to Say While Getting it On.

"I am fairly fond of you."

That gets me soooo hot.

Sexy Movie Thursday: Sex and Lucia

Complicated plot involves an attention-seeking writer who writes "fiction" about a real-life love affair in his past, the resulting bastard, and his attempts to involve himself in the child's life without the mother (one-night-stand - or rather, one-night-swim, in this case) finding out. Meanwhile, the writer's long-suffering girlfriend, Lucia, is inexplicably attracted to him and has a lot of sex with him. The sex isn't particularly sexy, it seems like it's heavily focused on a male audience. Some random inexplicable masturbation scenes, and a lot of scenes that don't move the story forward, but just have Paz Vega walking around naked, getting a drink of water, wandering around, not talking to anyone, just being naked. Even the relationship seems hollow. On their first meeting, she confesses to having been attracted to the writer from afar and wanting to have sex with him. Well, that's pretty handy, no seduction, no being nice, no taking care of relationship responsibilities, just, "Hi I'm Paz Vega and I'm especially eager to have sex with you, fulfill your striptease fantasies, have more sex, and walk around topless. You don't have to do anything, I'm already aroused. Let's go!"
So, this isn't a turn on for me, but rather the opposite, because I think it reinforces unrealistic and unhealthy stereotypes about how women should behave in sexual relationships. That, and a child gets mauled to death by a dog.

Will There Be Sex After?
Not if you watch it all the way to the end. If you don't have the negative-female-stereotype hang-ups I do, you might want to stop somewhere after act one and put on the Marvin Gaye and see how you do.

Can you watch it with your husband?
Indeed, your husband is probably the target audience. I personally don't like to watch movies like this with my guy, because I think it promotes this idea that this is how real women behave. My guy's smarter than that, but, you know.

Trailer: But it has a nice score.

Porn for Women?

To a lot of women, me (K*) included, porn is a pretty controversial subject. Is it bad for women? Empowering? I still don't have any answers, but I'm a lot closer to understanding it, i.e., not as bad as I once thought and maybe even watchable now. After all, I'm over 30 and more confident in my body and my relationship. But, now, how can I find what turns me on?

The internets are so full of porn that searching seems like shopping in infinity. And the sheer thought of heading behind the curtain in a video store reminds me True Porn Clerk Stories, a hilariously frightening blog. So instead we here at YG10M found some resources to help everyone find what tickles their fancies:

Good Vibrations
Good vibes shoots its own videos and categorizes them for you. You can find the ratings on the website and in the catalog. They also feature plenty of video on demand. And there's section called "New to Porn."

Jane’s Guide
One of the oldest and best adult review sites can be found here. Also featuring book and toy reviews. (NSFW).

The Smart Girl’s Guide to Porn
Violet Blue’s book is one of the first to take women’s porn interest seriously. Written for the absolute beginner, it’s also a useful handbook for those who have experimented quite a bit with porn but haven’t found much to satisfy them.

It's kind of exciting to think that now we can finally find something that is made by women for women. Because if I have to listen to one more "erotic" story, written by a man, with bad saxophone music in the background I'm going to freak out. Freak. Out.

Thanks Sexier Sex Lessons!

Action!

The Frisky posted a link to a Gizmodo post where the editors asked their readers, or, to be more specific, nerds, about the kind of equipment they used to film themselves having sex. (Whew!)

Hilarity ensued.

(I went and read all the comments. Good times...)

Erotic...ca

Seriously, try it. It's so much better now than it used to be. Here are a few reviews and tips on finding what you want:

I recently purchased Nancy Madore's Enchanted. I bought the digital version, which was delivered to my iPod instantly. (Have I mentioned the love I feel for instantaneousness?) The book is a collection of short erotic stories based on classic fairy tales, each focusing on a sexual fantasy or quirk. There's Bluebeard the sadomasochist, The Goose Girl-on-girl, and The Sheep in Wolves' clothes or the wife in hookers' clothes.

I think her books are excellent introductions into erotica, because you get a taste of what's out there and can more easily find what you like. She also has a collection entitled The Twelve Dancing Princesses, which tells a story about each of the princesses and the discontent they feel in their marriages. And how they remedy it. (A little bit harder for me as I don't enjoy stories about rocky marriages and balancing kids and husbands. I do that everyday).

Once I figured out what I wanted in erotic fiction, I needed to figure out how to find it. If I was gonna go to a bookstore, I want to spend as little time as possible standing with my two kids in front of a giant sign that reads "ADULT/EROTIC FICTION." So I found theeroticreader.com. The reviews are exactly what I want. Short, without giving away too much and without expounding on the merits of good vs. bad storytelling. I don't want to read a dissertation, I just want to know if my $6.99 is a good investment. They also divide their reviews into categories, like instant reads, or ebooks, and audiobooks.

Another review site, coffeetimeromance.com, lists book reviews by month reviewed. Some feature a little caution blurb which tells you what you're in for. Nice if you don't like something, or if you really, really do. Information is separate for each book, so you have to click on the review to see which format is available. It really needs some categorizing, because I don't have time to click on every book to see if I like it. But it's nice that someone did most of the work for me. Did I mention how lazy I am?

Are you a multitasker? Is holding a book too much trouble? In our next installment, Jen* will tell us all about erotic audiobooks.

Posted by Jen* and Kimberly*

U + Ur Hand

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Desperately Seeking Erotica

I'm in the market for erotica: stories about sex. And maybe something else: a book about positions and techniques, maybe with photos.

Yes, I can shop online. But sometimes it's nice to see in person what you're getting, plus if you pay for it in a store with cash, there's no record that you bought it. You don't have to worry about Amazon recommending More Porn!! for you every time you log in.

So I went to the Borders in my local mall, and was gratified to see a good-sized section clearly labeled EROTICA. Maybe too clearly. Even though there were some tempting tomes waiting on the shelves, I lost my courage and didn't linger. You see, this section was right on the end of an aisle, in full view of the kids' section (where there was storytime happening, for cripes sake) as well as the coffee bar.

I'm no shrinking violet, but I just couldn't bring myself to flip the pages of the luscious looking black and white erotic photography book...with the whole store watching.

So I talked Kimberly* and Stacy* into joining me at a local independent shop where I assumed we'd find a fabulous erotica section, and hoped it would be more discreetly located.

That's when the hunt began. We wandered all over that store for at least half an hour looking for the good stuff.

We found the Relationships section right off, and for a while it looked like that's all we'd find. It had a couple of books on sex that looked interesting, but they were more therapeutic than stimulating.


Obviously, they had a big fat Romance section. Nice, but not what we wanted this trip.


Somewhere along the way, Stacy* found this book and we didn't hear from her for a while. I think she got a few good pointers from it. Stacy*, do you recommend it?


Finally, Kimberly* took charge (as she so often does) and asked a clerk for help. He directed her to the Fiction Anthologies, and it took a bit more searching to find the very small erotica collection actually located under Essays & Criticism.


Finally! We found a few anthologies that looked pretty damn good, though it was disappointing that there were fewer than a dozen to choose from.


I may have to drag Kimberly* and Stacy* to Borders next so we can compare their offerings in more detail. Maybe start with a glass of wine so I won't mind the exposed location.

Safety in Numbers + Liquid Courage = Successful Hunt for Erotica? I sure hope so!

The Wild Thing

Trying to get pregnant? Looks like wilder, more orgasmic sex gives you a better chance at conception.

"Fertility experts say that women who orgasm during intercourse have a much higher chance of conceiving."

And men produce 50% more sperm.

So, ladies, go crazy and be selfish. Your uterus needs you.


from BettyConfidential.com

Small Actors, Big Parts

Role play has somehow been in the cards for me lately. I keep finding tips and articles and more recently a short story involving sexy costumes and naughty characters. Now, you'd think I'd be all up in its business being an actress and all. But I'm a little meh about it. Like, you're never gonna have to fight me for that Princess Leia outfit at the party store. Nor the sexy fill-in-the-blank.

But that doesn't mean I can't role play in my mind.

Intrigued?

I was reading a short story about a woman who put on a costume and pretended to be a prostitute and let her husband get anal with her. I'm not going there, it's not our anniversary, but part of the delight was that with the costume, she felt more like the character and felt sexier and was more willing to try new things.

So why not skip the costume and just play that hooker in your mind? No need to hit the wig shop. Instead of a catholic school girl, why not pretend you're a woman who gives the best head? Or maybe you're the woman who's completely in charge and takes control like a boss. Or even the sexy teacher showing her student the "Fibonacci sequence."

Confidence is half the battle in the bedroom. So mentally costuming can only add to the fun. It'll be easier to try that new position or toy if you're not in your head, but somebody else is...

Talkin' Sex

There's a line at the end of the latest Chris Rock HBO Special, Kill the Messenger. He says something about fellatio that would make Dr. Ruth blush and then says "Half the women in this audience think that's disgusting. The other half are in loving relationships."

I laughed so hard I peed a little! It's so true!

I have a friend who recently got engaged and she was talking about the love making being very loving. But she prefers something a little rougher. And was worried about telling her fiance.

If you view marriage as "'til death do you part," that's a long time to go without getting what you want. So talk to your partner. It can be embarrassing, but this person loves you and wants to make you happy. Maybe whisper it in his ear in the heat of the moment. Or there's always the golden rule, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Which might not work for every sexual quirk, but could be fun! I have been known to take my husbands hands and place them where I want them. No words, just moving and he gets the picture.

Sex in loving relationships is a little like Vegas, what happens there, stays there. So be honest and don't deny yourself pleasure! Who knows? Your husband could want the same thing, but is afraid to tell you! And you could be missing out on mind blowing sex because of a little embarrassment.

S&M&M's

So there I was, reading my "stories" when I came upon a very strange scene. Set in Victorian England, the hero decides, in the middle of the act, that he can help his lady reach her peak by tying her up. He reaches for his silk cravat and ties her wrists together above her head and then, well, everything...works out.

So I start thinking. First, how amazing it was that a man thought of someone else at that point, and then how if it came down to that, tying me up, the available accoutrements were laughable. I pictured a scene with my husband rushing,naked through the house searching for some kind of tether that won't chafe. And coming back to me with some wooden kids pull toy.

Further along in the book, the hero purchases a Japanese silk cord. (How presumptuous!) And I had to see what the fuss was all about. So here it is.

I brought this dilemma to the ladies* and they came up with neckties, which my husband doesn't wear, belts or silk scarves. Hermes, perhaps?

If you have something like this, you should throw it in your pleasure chest. Just in case. You don't want to end up with that pull toy like me.

Sexy Back

I have a good friend who was having trouble "getting back on the horse" after childbirth. She tried a few things, but couldn't seem to get back up there. Then, she bought a treadmill. She started walk/running at least 30 minutes a day. After a few days she said, "I think this may be my self-actualization sex readjustment tool."

Not everyone is going to respond to that particular "tool" the way my friend did. But there are other ways. Here's a woman who got a bikini wax shaped like a martini and got her sex life back.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the same things don't work for everyone. Some women try exercise, some try vitamins, and some--like me--try Cape Cods.

Maybe trying a few new things could be the key to unlocking your sexy door. What's worked for you?

Stay-at-Home-Flirt

I don't know about you, but when I was a fulltime worker back in the olden days, I worked in an  office full of mostly men. I was happily married (natch), but I enjoyed looking cute and acting cute and (I admit it) indulging in some innocent office flirtation. 

Now I'm a stay-at-home-mom who freelances from home. I rarely interact with men. When I'm out with the kids, men generally avoid any contact whatsoever. I've talked to my husband about this, and he says that when he sees a woman with kids, he tries to not even make eye contact because he wants to avoid even a hint of creepiness, of being too interested in either her or her kids. Makes sense I guess. The only other men I regularly see are my mom-friends' husbands. We might have conversations, joke around a little, but for some reason the relationship always seems slightly strained. Is it just me?

So I've been thinking about how the life of a SAHM means not getting much male attention, and what effect that can have on how sexy (or not) I feel. It really helps when I go out on my own (or with a girlfriend) with no kids. Suddenly, men check me out, make eye contact, open the door, even start a conversation with me. 

It's nice. It reminds me that I'm a woman, that I have some shred of desirability left to man-eyes. And I like to mention it to my husband, to make sure he knows I still got it. As Kimberly* pointed out to me, as Stay-at-Home-Flirts, we now have to get most of our sexy validation from our husbands alone. They'd better be up to the task. If we have to report back some mild flirting in order to hot things up at home, so be it.

High Heels and Sex Lives

My sister/researcher emailed me this article from Self.com. It's an excerpt from the book Behind the Bedroom Door: Getting It, Giving It, Loving It, Missing It. The first is about humor and sex. Jen* and Stacy* and I recently discussed why all the movies with the great sex scenes are dramas. Like why can't you have a funny, endearing heroine who gets some incredibly hot sex while learning about herself and her place in the world? I think it all comes down to money and studios wanting to make a lot of it. And also that if there is sex in a comedy the sex is funny.

Valerie Frankel writes in Ouch You're Lying on My Hair about several comedic moments that have happened between her and her husband. And how men already sort of "get" how ridiculous sex can be and maybe that's what holds us back sometimes. We're still expecting the low lit, airbrushed version when, really, it's more like something out of Wild Kingdom.

The second essay from the book is by MP Dunleavey called My Not-So-Kinky Sex Life. She talks about her return to dating after a big break-up in her mid-thirties. Kink is in the air as she navigates the dating scene and she starts to feel prudish. When she finally meets the perfect man, she's waiting for the other stiletto to drop, expecting to suddenly learn of his S&M fixation.
I could totally identify with her. My good friend is going through a divorce right now and her tales of the dating world are not far off from Dunleavey's. And I would feel like the most ginormous prude if I were dropped into that world.

It was so refreshing to read some honest, funny tales of sex and nice to know that I'm not the only one occasionally living a french farce in the bedroom.

Sexy Movie Thursday

Watching a movie with your husband can be a great way to "get in the mood." But what to watch? The girls and I researched and found a bunch. Since there were so many that we hadn't seen, we decided to review one for you each week. (I didn't want to send you off on the path to great sex with a map of lameness). Our list was compiled after lots of internet research. We wanted sexy, erotic films we could watch with our husband that weren't porn. (If you want porn, it is way easier to find). Recommendations welcome!

Yesterday, after trying for two days to download a movie on my laptop, I finally broke down and went to my local video conglomerate. I walked up and down the aisles looking for films on my list. It was terribly frustrating. The movie would be there, but it wouldn't be the unrated version. So I ended up with very mainstream movies.

Last night I grabbed a glass of bad sparkling wine and sat down to watch In the Cut. Frannie, (Meg Ryan), a lonely New York english professor, lives in the vicinity of a gruesome murder. Detective Malloy, (Mark Ruffalo), is sent to question possible witnesses. Thus begins Frannie's voyage into the "darker side of passion." Soon she realizes that she knows more than she should and begins to question the motives of all the men in her life.

There were two pretty good sex scenes, slightly more realistic than erotic. And if you enjoy a little Mark Ruffalo, it's a good time. 

The only downside to this film is that there are at least two parts with graphic depictions of crime scenes. Maybe a few degrees worse than an episode of CSI. 

Watchable with husband? 

Yes. Moderately so.

Baldwin Scale

Alec Baldwin in Malice

I also had the opportunity to watch Red Shoe Diaries 15: The Forbidden Zone. Now, I am a suspender of disbelief, truly, but let's just say my disbelief was freed and took off to watch something else.

The DVD was comprised of three short stories that were lame and not at all erotic and very talkie. I found myself trying to write something better. And trying to stay awake. Even with a topless Beverly Johnson, I felt nothing.

Watchable with husband?

NO. Bad sets and bad writing equals mostly laughter in the bedroom.

Baldwin Scale

Stephen Baldwin in Posse