If you need something to read...

Sometimes I've found that alcohol gets boring. For when I need a little something to pump up my libido after a day of screaming and sippy cups. For those crazy times I turn to books. Erotica is just fine. But for those times when you need something you can unashamedly purchase from a bookstore? Kresley Cole. That woman can write a sex scene. And a story. She writes both historical and supernatural fiction. So a little something for everyone...who likes historical or supernatural fiction. Kresley Cole.

A Brand New You: "Mummy Tummy"

After pregnancy and childbirth, many women are left with a separation in their abdominal muscles called a diastasis recti. This is problematic for several reasons:

• It's not sexy. It can leave you with a pot belly that makes you feel like you always look pregnant.
• It can lead to pain. The abdominal separation itself is not painful but the weakness in your core muscles can lead to back pain or a hernia if left untreated.
• Normal abdominal exercises can make it worse. You've got to heal the diastasis before you can do regular crunches or other common core exercises or you may exacerbate the problem.
  

An article called 5 Things to Know About Mummy Tummy gives a great overview and includes a description of some exercises to help reverse the condition.

If you suspect you have diastasis recti, get diagnosed first. (Duh.) I would recommend finding a physical therapist who specializes in women's health to help you heal, but there are also exercise videos and books available if you search around. One book that seems popular is Lose Your Mummy Tummy by Julie Tuppler.

Bookstore Bonanza

Dear readers, I did it. I went to a new bookstore (a big 2-story Borders), bravely sought out the naughty section, and even (gasp!) made a purchase.

It wasn't easy. I wandered around for quite a while before I found anything good. I didn't expect there to be giant SEXY BOOKS OVER HERE signs to point the way, but sheesh, there's gotta be a way to make the good stuff easy to find, yet not in full view of the coffee bar and children's section.

Anyway. Among my wanderings, I saw this book and the cover made me laugh. Fae lust? For realz?

Then I found the self-help books, which always seem like they should include some good stuff on sex, but never do. I mean come on, when you see Dr. Laura smiling out at you, you know it's not getting sexy in that section.

The hottest thing I found here was:

Puh-leeze.

But finally, upstairs in a back corner at the end of the literature section, I found it. Eureka! Two big fat cases full of sexy reads.

I thought it was funny that the official category here was Sex/Fertility/Contraception. There were ZERO books on fertility and contraception, and a LOT of books on Kama Sutra.

The erotica looked pretty good too. Quite a few Penthouse anthologies, which I'm assuming aren't really my taste, but lots of other books that looked intriguing. Has anyone ever tried the Sleeping Beauty books by Anne Rice?

I love love love this title (and it's totally cheap at Amazon):

But this was the book that finally tempted me to get out my wallet. Full color photos of good looking people engaging in literally hundreds of positions. At last, I've found what I was looking for:

My bookstore bill went over $70 in the end. Oops.

Then I came home, set up an Amazon store for this site, and discovered that all these books are MUCH cheaper on Amazon. So, lesson learned.

And, if you like any of our book, movie, martini, and "toy" recommendations, please consider making a purchase through our Amazon store. We'll get a pittance, which we'll plow back into this important work we're doing here. Thanks!

Erotic...ca

Seriously, try it. It's so much better now than it used to be. Here are a few reviews and tips on finding what you want:

I recently purchased Nancy Madore's Enchanted. I bought the digital version, which was delivered to my iPod instantly. (Have I mentioned the love I feel for instantaneousness?) The book is a collection of short erotic stories based on classic fairy tales, each focusing on a sexual fantasy or quirk. There's Bluebeard the sadomasochist, The Goose Girl-on-girl, and The Sheep in Wolves' clothes or the wife in hookers' clothes.

I think her books are excellent introductions into erotica, because you get a taste of what's out there and can more easily find what you like. She also has a collection entitled The Twelve Dancing Princesses, which tells a story about each of the princesses and the discontent they feel in their marriages. And how they remedy it. (A little bit harder for me as I don't enjoy stories about rocky marriages and balancing kids and husbands. I do that everyday).

Once I figured out what I wanted in erotic fiction, I needed to figure out how to find it. If I was gonna go to a bookstore, I want to spend as little time as possible standing with my two kids in front of a giant sign that reads "ADULT/EROTIC FICTION." So I found theeroticreader.com. The reviews are exactly what I want. Short, without giving away too much and without expounding on the merits of good vs. bad storytelling. I don't want to read a dissertation, I just want to know if my $6.99 is a good investment. They also divide their reviews into categories, like instant reads, or ebooks, and audiobooks.

Another review site, coffeetimeromance.com, lists book reviews by month reviewed. Some feature a little caution blurb which tells you what you're in for. Nice if you don't like something, or if you really, really do. Information is separate for each book, so you have to click on the review to see which format is available. It really needs some categorizing, because I don't have time to click on every book to see if I like it. But it's nice that someone did most of the work for me. Did I mention how lazy I am?

Are you a multitasker? Is holding a book too much trouble? In our next installment, Jen* will tell us all about erotic audiobooks.

Posted by Jen* and Kimberly*

Desperately Seeking Erotica

I'm in the market for erotica: stories about sex. And maybe something else: a book about positions and techniques, maybe with photos.

Yes, I can shop online. But sometimes it's nice to see in person what you're getting, plus if you pay for it in a store with cash, there's no record that you bought it. You don't have to worry about Amazon recommending More Porn!! for you every time you log in.

So I went to the Borders in my local mall, and was gratified to see a good-sized section clearly labeled EROTICA. Maybe too clearly. Even though there were some tempting tomes waiting on the shelves, I lost my courage and didn't linger. You see, this section was right on the end of an aisle, in full view of the kids' section (where there was storytime happening, for cripes sake) as well as the coffee bar.

I'm no shrinking violet, but I just couldn't bring myself to flip the pages of the luscious looking black and white erotic photography book...with the whole store watching.

So I talked Kimberly* and Stacy* into joining me at a local independent shop where I assumed we'd find a fabulous erotica section, and hoped it would be more discreetly located.

That's when the hunt began. We wandered all over that store for at least half an hour looking for the good stuff.

We found the Relationships section right off, and for a while it looked like that's all we'd find. It had a couple of books on sex that looked interesting, but they were more therapeutic than stimulating.


Obviously, they had a big fat Romance section. Nice, but not what we wanted this trip.


Somewhere along the way, Stacy* found this book and we didn't hear from her for a while. I think she got a few good pointers from it. Stacy*, do you recommend it?


Finally, Kimberly* took charge (as she so often does) and asked a clerk for help. He directed her to the Fiction Anthologies, and it took a bit more searching to find the very small erotica collection actually located under Essays & Criticism.


Finally! We found a few anthologies that looked pretty damn good, though it was disappointing that there were fewer than a dozen to choose from.


I may have to drag Kimberly* and Stacy* to Borders next so we can compare their offerings in more detail. Maybe start with a glass of wine so I won't mind the exposed location.

Safety in Numbers + Liquid Courage = Successful Hunt for Erotica? I sure hope so!

High Heels and Sex Lives

My sister/researcher emailed me this article from Self.com. It's an excerpt from the book Behind the Bedroom Door: Getting It, Giving It, Loving It, Missing It. The first is about humor and sex. Jen* and Stacy* and I recently discussed why all the movies with the great sex scenes are dramas. Like why can't you have a funny, endearing heroine who gets some incredibly hot sex while learning about herself and her place in the world? I think it all comes down to money and studios wanting to make a lot of it. And also that if there is sex in a comedy the sex is funny.

Valerie Frankel writes in Ouch You're Lying on My Hair about several comedic moments that have happened between her and her husband. And how men already sort of "get" how ridiculous sex can be and maybe that's what holds us back sometimes. We're still expecting the low lit, airbrushed version when, really, it's more like something out of Wild Kingdom.

The second essay from the book is by MP Dunleavey called My Not-So-Kinky Sex Life. She talks about her return to dating after a big break-up in her mid-thirties. Kink is in the air as she navigates the dating scene and she starts to feel prudish. When she finally meets the perfect man, she's waiting for the other stiletto to drop, expecting to suddenly learn of his S&M fixation.
I could totally identify with her. My good friend is going through a divorce right now and her tales of the dating world are not far off from Dunleavey's. And I would feel like the most ginormous prude if I were dropped into that world.

It was so refreshing to read some honest, funny tales of sex and nice to know that I'm not the only one occasionally living a french farce in the bedroom.

Know Your Stuff

I am a lifelong learner (read: nerd.) That's ok, though. I can rock a pair of glasses Tina Fey-Style and my husband finds intelligence alluring, so it works for me.

A great way to keep my sex drive alive is to think about sex. And a great way to think about sex is to be learning something new. That's why I got these cool flashcards from Knock Knock. They are funny AND informative. For instance:

cassolette n. orig. ref. to perfume box with perforated lid, worn inside vagina in 18c France: a woman's natural personal scent. Used in a sentence: "Here's to a pungent cassolette!"

Never heard of that term before. And guess what? I'm thinking about sex. Aren't you? The cards are available from knockknock. I'm not going to be cheesy and say, "You can make a game of it and try to act out the cards in the bedroom..." That's ridiculous. But who knows? If I get drunk enough, I might offer my husband some Axillism. (That's penis-armpit intercourse, ladies. You just learned something new!)

Another good reason to be up to date on the lingo is that I'm a mom with two daughters who, if I believe the evening news, may be expected to give blow jobs in order to have male friends, possibly as early as Kindergarten. With that in mind I recently decided I'd better find out what a Dirty Sanchez is - Jon Stewart referenced it, so I guess it's time to find out.

I found out here: urbandictionary.com. Yeah, it wasn't very tempting, or even sexy, but, hey, now I know! So check it out; expand your sexual knowledge base. But I am warning you: DO NOT under ANY circumstances look up the Alabama Hot Pocket. You DO NOT want to know.

Oh, boy. You're gonna look, aren't you?

For that other sex organ.

The last post featured ways to get in the mood. My favorite way, reading, is so subjective, it's hard to name the book that will do it for you. But I can try. I've learned a lot in my foray into romance, like I really need it to be set in another place or time. Any reminder of kids or pop culture and I'm out. And that even in a bodice ripper, I still need good writing and people to behave in realistic ways. I get really tired of "webs of secrets."

Once you find a book you like, you can go to amazon or Shelfari or goodreads and look for people who liked it and see what else they've liked. I've even made a friend on Shelfari because her reviews were so stunning. And we had similar taste in heroines, no wallflowers for me, thank you.

I've decided to include the best of my bunch. I counted, forty one books since January, and I can't possibly review them all. And just so we're clear...romance novel titles almost never have to do with the storyline. Some of the best books I've read have not only a ridiculous title, but the covers are horrendous. Which is why I love my iPod.

Links are to amazon, because they carry both books and ebooks, but I use ereader.com.

Scottish Rogues:
A Highlander Never Surrenders by Paula Quinn (A woman who wears pants. Pants!)
If You Dare by Kresley Cole (Florence Nightingale syndrome.)
Highlander Unchained by Monica McCarty (Okay. She gets kidnapped. But maybe that's fun?)

Vampires/Supernatural:
The Southern Vampire Series by Charlaine Harris (The books the series True Blood is based on)
Kiss of a Demon King by Kresley Cole (I've read sections of this one more than once and I'm not even into vampire books. Or maybe I am...)

Regency:
After the Abduction by Sabrina Jeffries (Hilarious mistaken identity.)
The Spymaster's Lady by Joanna Bourne (A female spy? Awesome.)
The Perils of Pleasure by Julie Anne Long (One of my favorites.)
The Runaway Duke by Julie Anne Long (I'm a sucker for women who know what they want.)
If His Kiss is Wicked by Jo Goodman (Very dark. But well written.)

Pirates:
The Price of Pleasure by Kresley Cole (This heroine knows what she wants from the start.)
What a Pirate Desires by Michelle Beattie

This reminds me of the episode of Friends where Joey finds Rachel's book featuring a sexy vicar and the farmers daughter and says, "You got Porn!" So, there you go, I hope you enjoy the mind porn!

And...thanks for the idea, Jen*.

More Ways to Get in the Mood

One of the biggest problems I've had after a day with the kids is getting in the mood. After the tantrums and fighting and the smelling like poop, I really don't want to think about sex. (I mean, I'm writing this between requests for "snack?" and "shoe?") Nor do I want to worry about how to tear my husband away from facebook poker.

My sister found this article from Shine, 3 Unorthodox Ways to Get in the Mood. I'm not really sure about "Fake a Foreign Accent," but "Watch Prime-time Porn? Sure. "Get Tipsy?" Yes, please!

As far as sexy TV, the article mentions Lost and The Tudors, but I've heard The L Word and True Blood are also good. If we delve into movies, Daniel Craig as James Bond is not hard to watch, and anything with Clive Owen should be on the list.

Booze is kind of a no brainer. I used to worry that my husband might take offense if I have to drink in order to have sex with him. But a friend pointed out that most likely, they don't care, as long as they're gettin' some. And she's right. My husband will buy me wine, even though he's not a drinker.

Another mood enhancer for me is reading a sexy book. Sometimes a trashy romance is just what I need. I believe it has something to do with getting my brain in on the action. One of our problems as women, is shutting off the super computer that is our brain. With reading, I can just refocus it on something more fun. As far as writers of the romances* go, I can recommend Kresley Cole, she writes in a few genres. (And if you have an iPod, no one has to know what you're reading).

Music can also help. If you can shut the door to your bedroom and put on some music, that can help transform "the mom" into "the sex goddess." I'm sure we all have music that we adore, figure Magazine has a pretty good list to get you started.

And if all else fails, hand him one of these.



*If you want more recommendations, email me. I've read,...a few.