Kinky Night In: On a Budget

The Frisky had an interesting article recently, Everything You Need For A Kinky Night In. We at YG10M love a shopping trip, but after I added up all of their S&M goodies, the $995 pricetag gave me a jolt. And not the good kind. So I headed off to my local 99 Cents Only store to see what I could find to kinkify your boudoir.

The one thing I knew they would have were the cosmetics. Red nail polish and red lip gloss. Simple, quick changes that can work wonders. Especially a glossy, red mouth!

My next item proved a bit harder. A black push-up bra. Their version was sexy and lacy, and $41, ours is more "sexy girlfriend." A cotton lace-edged tank with a sheer red thong. Which can totally work. Especially for $2.

Riding crop? For reals? Here's what I found for $1:

I know. Not the best. But slightly padded with rubber with a gorgeous rainbow wood stained handle. It's S&M-ie,...no? Well, it gets worse. This one involves crafting skills:

I thought maybe a little hot glue, a bit of leather...smack! Pleasure abounds! Okay, I'm reaching...

For our next accoutrement of pleasure, The Frisky mentions a nice silk rope as a restraint. I love a multi-tasker, and sparkles, so I give you:

After that, and this weird policy the 99 cent store had of setting the air conditioner at 99 degrees, I hightailed it to Target, (my first love), to fill in the rest. Just to recap so far:

The Frisky: $91

YG10M: $7

Now, Target was slightly more complicated, I had left the tougher items for them to fill in. We still need Christian Louboutins, a corset, a blindfold and handcuffs. Not exactly my everyday shopping list. I knew the beauty section would have some kind of face mask and it did not disappoint. This little guy was around $5:

The Louboutins could be thought of as impossible to find, but not with my pioneer spirit! And my deep, dark memory. I read somewhere that Martha Stewart has her assistant black sharpie the bottom of her red soled Louboutins. Inspiration! Black patent heels, on sale for $17.84. Sharpies:$5. Feeling sexy in your own shoes: Priceless.

After my coup with the shoes, I was nearly bubbling over with inspiration. And since I felt my riding crops were sort of,...ridiculous...I was happy to keep looking in the one place I knew I could find something. A place where sex toys and pet toys collide. And? It jingles!

Okay. So I would probably remove the bell. I don't want any Pavlovian reactions come Christmas time.

And last but not least, the corset. That one really got me. The only corset-esque item was a black girdle in the shapewear section. The kind that when shifted, rolls, exposing flesier-flesh than if you were naked. Yuck. So, I went with what I found at the 99 Cents Only store...wait for it...

Okay, so not exactly sexy. But confining, won't roll up on you. Could double as a restraint. Unisex color. (Although not exactly racially sensitive). It could work. What do you want for 99 cents?!

Sorry. Ahem...

That leaves us spending a grand total of $33 which is a savings of $962. That's the same as three cups of coffee a day! And now you get to feel sexy, have some fun and still afford college for your little guys.


*I know, I know, I forgot the handcuffs. Use the scarf!

Ess. Ee. Exx.

I've been searching lately for blogs about sex. Mostly to cut through the crap and find the good stuff for you. But I'm always surprised that I don't find more blogs about sex that aren't about capital S-E-X in flashing neon. Like, can I not be into BDSM (that's bondage and dominance and sadness and mustache) and still be sexual? Can I not want a giant double-ended dildo as part of my accoutrements and still be into sexy time? It's like you have to really, really like sex so much you can't keep yourself from doin' it in Stacy*'s bathroom in order to blog about it. (You also need your avatar to contain your nipples. Just what I've noticed).

Even my mother (my mother) doesn't see what the big deal is. She doesn't understand why married couples aren't having sex. Until recently, she and my father had sex everyday. (Now that my dad is around 60, it's probably down to 4 times a week). But she just doesn't get why women and men would need help, or at least a place to commiserate. She doesn't get that while breastfeeding, walking around feeling like a cow, it's one less thing to do that could make one feel like livestock.

But she never breastfed us. (And to think, I could have been a contender...)

Shouldn't there be a place to read and comment about sex, as a married, and not feel ashamed of your sex life? I read an article recently, something like "tips for fellatio." And the second tip was "take it in the face." Second tip. I spend the day cleaning the house and doing the dishes and vacuuming, I have a built in receptacle for such things, yet I should participate in another act that requires clean-up? For reals? If you can do it and it makes you happy, that's fantastic! But that's not really advice. More like instructions.

I just want little tips to make the much needed intimate connection go more smoothly. And to be able to transition between SuperMom and SexGoddess. Like a new cape. Or shoes.

Wow. That was an extremely roundabout way to convince myself to get these.

A Little Bit Kinky

There was a time, before kids of course but mostly before marriage too, when I enjoyed getting a little bit kinky. When the relationship is still relatively new and you don't know all of each other's secrets yet, it can be easier to let loose, experiment, suddenly become the kind of person who would do...anything.

Ironically, although years of marriage obviously make you more intimate and comfortable with one another, all that knowing can also put a damper on the adventurous side of sex. Couples tend to settle into their sexual routines: a couple of positions, a few reliable moves, an understanding of what is likely to occur.

Sound boring? Agreed.

That's why I've been thinking of how to make things just A Little Bit Kinky. Here are a few ideas:

1. If your sex life is pure vanilla, maybe a silk scarf tying your wrists together will be incredibly edgy (and drive you incredibly up the wall?). Or, just ask husband to pin down your arms or hold your wrists above your head.

2. On your next date night, suggest that the two of you visit an adult shop together. Make it a rule that you each need to buy something the other will enjoy.

3. If you can pull off a full S&M outfit complete with leather and whip--hey, we say go for it. But most of us would freak out our husbands or (worse) make them laugh. So instead, try something just a little kinkier than your usual going-to-bed outfit. Black lacy bra? Thigh-high stockings? High heels in bed? Crotchless teddy?

4. Try a new position. Doggy style. Reverse cowgirl. Sitting up on a counter while he stands in front of you. (I still need to find a book on sexual positions. I'll do that and write a whole post on the subject sometime in the future, I promise!)

5. Pain can feel good. Ever gotten a spanking in bed? Or shoved a lover down hard? A little roughness at just the right time can be just what the (sex) doctor ordered.

S&M&M's

So there I was, reading my "stories" when I came upon a very strange scene. Set in Victorian England, the hero decides, in the middle of the act, that he can help his lady reach her peak by tying her up. He reaches for his silk cravat and ties her wrists together above her head and then, well, everything...works out.

So I start thinking. First, how amazing it was that a man thought of someone else at that point, and then how if it came down to that, tying me up, the available accoutrements were laughable. I pictured a scene with my husband rushing,naked through the house searching for some kind of tether that won't chafe. And coming back to me with some wooden kids pull toy.

Further along in the book, the hero purchases a Japanese silk cord. (How presumptuous!) And I had to see what the fuss was all about. So here it is.

I brought this dilemma to the ladies* and they came up with neckties, which my husband doesn't wear, belts or silk scarves. Hermes, perhaps?

If you have something like this, you should throw it in your pleasure chest. Just in case. You don't want to end up with that pull toy like me.