Vibe of the Week: Hitachi Magic Wand

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"Take care of you."

If only all of our best friends were coked out prostitutes. Then we might have someone reminding us about the most important thing to do as a mom, "Take care of you."

Now, I'm all for a spa day, but a lot of stay-at-home-moms are already cutting corners just to stay at home. And the working moms? They have to shell out for daycare. So, what can you do to refresh and feel great without spending a lot of money?

1. Set a date with yourself. Put aside a day a month and send the kids off with dad or grandma. Just to refresh. Alone. There is nothing worse than finally feeling great about grown-up time, only to have the old man catch a glimpse of you fresh from the "steam room" and fancy a go.

2. Take a bath. Obvious, I know. But like the kind with all the paraphernalia. Like a body brush, essential oil, razor,...all that. My routine is as follows: Turn on shower, sprinkle essential oil around the tub. Let the room get steamy. Close and lock the door, (for once!), and switch shower to bath. Settle into the tub and use the brush to gently sweep over and exfoliate your skin, brushing toward your heart. Then shave your legs and other regions. Lay back and relax. Now your whole body clean and smooth.

3. Facial time! In a pinch, I've used baking soda and water for an exfoliating scrub, and olive oil to moisturize. But use whatever makes you happy.

4. Pedicure? Use a pumice sponge to clean your feet and then slap on moisture. My secret for amazing pedicures is to have a great top coat. Use whatever color you want and polish on that diamond hard clear coat. Your toes will look like professionals!

5. Massage. Whatever that means to you.

I'm sure you have your own beauty routine, let this simply be a gentle reminder to pay attention to yourself. You deserve it! Pampering yourself doesn't have to cost a small fortune and you don't even need to leave the house! Exclamation point!

7 Nights of Passion...Who's Got the Energy?

Rabbi Shmuley gives hot n heavy advice to married couples on how to keep love and sex ablaze. I am half-intrigued, half-appalled by his article on 7 Nights to Sexual Intimacy.

The gist of it is that you don't even have real sex until the seventh night. The nights leading up to it are a slow-paced, tantric build-up of intimacy and passion.

The Rabbi says he wants us to widen our definition of sex:

So often sex comes to mean simple intercourse followed by unfulfilling climax. Here, we are demonstrating that sex is all about making love. It involves not just a few parts of the body but all of the body. To make this effective, sexual control and discipline are, of course, mandatory. Succumbing to the desire to purge the sexual urge negates all that you wish to accomplish in terms of heightening arousal and increasing desire.

He makes it sound pretty hot, and I like the idea of widening the definition of sex beyond the you-got-10-minutes routine so many of us engage in.

On the other hand, though, seven nights of pseudo-sex with no orgasm till the end of the week sounds suspiciously like a lot of work.

But if it helps us relax? Reconnect with each other? Maybe it's worth trying. It's only seven nights after all, and as the Rabbi says, "it’s the intimate journey that is the reward."

Vibe of the Week: Rubber Ducky

Think vibrators are too conspicuous? Check out this little guy. The I Rub My Duckie waterproof vibe makes bath time lots of fun! A round head and a pointed tail feature three types of vibration. A little something for everyone.

Recommended Use
Use in the tub or shower or even the Jacuzzi! No need to hide!

Best Features

• Inconspicuous
• A variety of contact areas
• Cute!
• Three vibration levels
• Quiet
• Made of latex-free and phthalate-free PVC
• Three out of five stars with 30 reviews
• Available in travel-size
  

Worst Features

• More water resistant than waterproof
  
• Doesn't float like a true rubber duck, floats on its side
• May not be powerful enough

Cost
$9-$30

drugstore.com
babeland.com

Plop, plop, fizz, fizz

Another reason to get it on:

Researchers have found that having an orgasm can help you fight off common illnesses. Manfred Schedlowski discovered that sexual activity increases adrenaline and prolactin plasma concentrations as well as the number of white blood cells. Which help your body fight disease.

So, the next time you feel a cold coming on, don't reach for the echinacea, reach for,...well, you know...

A Brand New You

I knew my lifestyle would change when I had kids. Hopefully, most of us figured that one out. As for my body, I figured I'd have stretch marks and bigger boobs but other than that my body would regain it's pre-pregnancy status once I lost the baby weight. It just goes to show that many of us have no idea what we're getting ourselves into.

Why did I think my boobs would be bigger? Wishful thinking, I guess. I was wrong. They're smaller. And I got the stretch marks I planned for. I also got separated abdominal muscles, a hernia, weakened hip joints, a C-section scar befitting two ten pound babies and all new hormone cocktails, just to name a few changes. The hernia and abdominal weaknesses led me to a wonderful physical therapist who helped me regain some strength and begin to rebuild a new body for me to carry around for the remainder. Just when I was feeling sorry for myself, she told me I should be glad I hadn't pushed out my oversized babies because then I could be looking at weakened pelvic floor muscles that could lead to things like incontinence and sagging or prolapsing organs...that means your bladder, anus or vagina could start to fall out! Oh, God! Why do you martyr the mothers so?

The worst part about all of this for me is that I only found my physical therapist because I knew someone who worked in her office. In our country, unlike many European nations, our medical professionals don't automatically discuss any of these possible post-partum issues with us. It would be oh, too easy for a new mom to think, "I guess this is just how I am now," while quietly suffering.

We at YG10M know how hard it is to get the sexy back in your marriage in the odd and frightening new world of motherhood but think how impossible it's going to be if you're equipment just isn't working right. So if your body or sex just aren't feeling right after the baby, get thee to a doctor or a physical therapist without delay. Muscle weaknesses can be corrected to a certain degree and strength maintained through physical therapy. You don't want to wait until you're shopping the adult diaper isle, you want to address it now. As Kimberly* said to me recently, "post-partum" is not just a couple of months, it's the rest of your life!

Maybe you've got Vulvar varicose veins, or a painful episiotomy scar. Maybe you can't wait as long before you have to pee anymore. Maybe you're feeling like things have shifted and there's a weight down there you didn't feel before. However pregnancy, labor and delivery took their toll on you, you are not the only one. And if you feel like everything has changed since you had kids, it's because it has! This is the brand new you, so get to know her and give her all the help she needs to feel good again.

And also? Do your kegels.

Vibe of the Week: We-Vibe

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U + Ur Hand

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Vibe of the Week

I've got one. She's got one. You've got one. Or if you don't, you should.

Yep, we're talking vibrators, ladies.

Now that we know that most women have (and/or want) them, we're gonna try to help you get the right one. We'll scour the internet for reviews and information, and feature one of these good times each week.
This Week's Vibe:

We're startin' small, four inches to be exact. The Vibratex Water Dancer Mini Vibe is compact and waterproof. The average rating on two sites is four stars. People like the compact design and the power (apparently, it's strong).

Recommended Use:
Use it alone, in the tub or shower, or with your partner. (You can even use it in traffic. Or so I've heard.)

Best Features:

• Strong
• Sturdy
• Compact
• Waterproof
• Gets you where you're going fast
• Uses one AA battery

Worst Features:

The only con seems to be that it's a little loud.

Cost:

$16

Where to find:
drugstore.com
babeland.com

Self Help

Vibrators as common as toaster ovens?

Sexy Target: Part 2

Oh, Target, you sweet mistress of the dark! Part two of Sexy Target features Jen* and I perusing only two aisles. But these two aisles are chock full of fun! Anything you need for your lady parts is available. And for every stage:

A Kama Sutra Weekender Kit? Awesome. With flavored massage oils, powders and a feather duster. I hear a sexcation rumbling in the distance!
I had never heard of freezable lubricant cubes. And Target has them:
I used to use "the economy is bad" as a reason to not put-out. Looks like I need a new reason. Target? Thanks:
On sale for $26.39? This must pack a serious punch:
These were pretty lame as a "personal device," what with having to hold the button down to use, but sometimes a nice back-rub is all you need to get in the mood. And for $5:
Okay, now we're talkin'. Hydragel massager with heat.
Oh, Target, how I love your travel size section! Jen* and I spent $7 and we made the perfect weekender getaway bag! Exotic body wash with natural sponge, masculine body spray, altoids, lubricant and even clean-up, all in a handy little bag!
Next Up: Let's Get it On. Check back Monday!

Sex Tips from Dudes

Glamour magazine has a lot of these little slideshows. And usually they're pretty general and lame. But this one cracked me up. His Top 10 Sex Wishes Revealed features five wishes each from the married and the single guy. The contrast made me laugh out loud!


Please wear...

The single guy says: ...my work shirt instead of a robe in the morning. Then I'll put it on and smell you all day.

The married guy says: ...something more sensual than an old, ratty tee and Hello! Kitty flannels. However, I promise to step it up too.

It's so funny how the single dude is living out his fantasies and the married guy has all but given up. I bet, if pressed, he wouldn't even mind the flannel if he knew he was gettin' some.

Your Pleasure Chest

To assume that we're all "ready to go" at a moments notice is absurd. We are not Marines. But having a sensual arsenal in your bedside table, or, let's be honest, a wadded Target bag on the top shelf of your closet, can help those spontaneous interludes proceed more smoothly.

Here are a few items to include:

1. Vibrator
A small clitoral one will do.

2. Lubricant

3. Sexy Book
Our brain needs stimulation, too!

4. iPod/CD player with sexy playlist

5. Altoids
Also for fresh breath. And peppermint is energizing!

6. Scented/flavored massage oil
I have a Pavlovian response to orange-ginger lotion.

7. Condoms
You never know...

You can add other things if you're more adventurous. Like a game or a blindfold. This is only the beginning!

Sex Tips from Real Moms

Forget crazy positions. How about some fun, cheap, easy, doable tips for us real women who just want to shake things up a little bit?

1. Clean your room! How many times have you said this to your kids? Removing clutter and kid paraphernalia will give you more of an oasis at the end of a long day.

2. Try getting your sexy back with a new playlist for the bedroom. Music really can soothe the savage beast, or, if you want, let it out!

3. Use a lubricant. There are so many new options available. You can tingle, warm or taste like cherries. It's a smorgasbord of slippery!

4. Try a nice, hot shower with him. It's been a while since my showers were anything but utilitarian. Taking time to touch and wash each other will be a break from the routine and perhaps lead to a more sensual experience.

5. Watch something sexy on TV together. Not everyone feels sexy after watching Sportscenter, so change the channel and see if there's something that turns you both on. Lost, The Tudors, True Blood, The L Word, all good starts.

6. Chew a few Altoids before oral sex. Simple trick = delight for him. And maybe a willingness to try other new things...

7. Bring your laptop to bed. Click around and check out some titillating photos or videos. Discuss. You may learn something new about him.

8. Try out a sex toy. Use a small vibrator on yourself, or let your husband hold it. (This is especially delightful if your husband is behind you).

9. Sexcation. Maybe not "cheap," but so worth it!

Only a couple of these require any forethought on your part, so you have no excuse not to try one tonight!

More Ways to Get in the Mood

One of the biggest problems I've had after a day with the kids is getting in the mood. After the tantrums and fighting and the smelling like poop, I really don't want to think about sex. (I mean, I'm writing this between requests for "snack?" and "shoe?") Nor do I want to worry about how to tear my husband away from facebook poker.

My sister found this article from Shine, 3 Unorthodox Ways to Get in the Mood. I'm not really sure about "Fake a Foreign Accent," but "Watch Prime-time Porn? Sure. "Get Tipsy?" Yes, please!

As far as sexy TV, the article mentions Lost and The Tudors, but I've heard The L Word and True Blood are also good. If we delve into movies, Daniel Craig as James Bond is not hard to watch, and anything with Clive Owen should be on the list.

Booze is kind of a no brainer. I used to worry that my husband might take offense if I have to drink in order to have sex with him. But a friend pointed out that most likely, they don't care, as long as they're gettin' some. And she's right. My husband will buy me wine, even though he's not a drinker.

Another mood enhancer for me is reading a sexy book. Sometimes a trashy romance is just what I need. I believe it has something to do with getting my brain in on the action. One of our problems as women, is shutting off the super computer that is our brain. With reading, I can just refocus it on something more fun. As far as writers of the romances* go, I can recommend Kresley Cole, she writes in a few genres. (And if you have an iPod, no one has to know what you're reading).

Music can also help. If you can shut the door to your bedroom and put on some music, that can help transform "the mom" into "the sex goddess." I'm sure we all have music that we adore, figure Magazine has a pretty good list to get you started.

And if all else fails, hand him one of these.



*If you want more recommendations, email me. I've read,...a few.

Green your intercourse!

I was stumbling around the internets and I found this: Holistic Wisdom: Excellence in Sexual Empowerment. Or green sex! Sex toys for the environmentally conscious! How fun is that?! Now I can do it and save the snow leopards! While also saving my vagina from phthalates and parabens.
HW also has tons of sexual health articles, a sex dictionary, and even erotic stories and jokes.
The toys are divided into multiple categories: body part, style or material. And there is a section about caring for your sex toys.

I clicked through a couple of the instructional articles and my,...they are in depth. (And while the genatalia is blocked, some of the close-ups are not, but presented very medically). If you're feeling brave, click around. There is so much information and a great "Getting Started" feature that allows you to click to what you're looking for without getting stuck somewhere uncomfortable.



P.S. I am having way too much fun finding photos.

Sex toys...Oprah approved!

If that dryer-saddle thing that Kimberly* posted scared you and/or made you blush...yet you were intrigued...have I got the solution for you. Over at Drugstore.com there is a line of sexual aids for women that were given the Oprah stamp of approval. If Oprah says they're okay, then you know they gotta be good: Oprah approved sex toys

If those are still too wild for you, why not try a humble little vibrator like the Bird. It's cute! And it has a cute name!

Finally, if you are: 

(A) embarrassed 

(B) curious but not convinced 

and/or 

(C) worried your kids and/or mother-in-law will find it...

...then I recommend you invest in a small "massager." It looks like something you'd use on your neck. You can store it in any cabinet and relax, because if anyone sees it they won't think twice about it. But you'll know the secret...you can use it to "massage" any body parts you want. 

Just go to a website like Amazon or Drugstore.com and search for "massager." You'll see what I mean.

The gateway touch

I am in close physical contact with my kids all day long. You too, right? Although they give very sweet hugs and kisses, 99% of the physical contact is what I call taking-touching. They are touching me to take love, take affection, take security. And I am happy to give it; it's a big part of the mom-job.

But you know what's coming, right? By the end of the day when I finally get some alone time with the husband, I am touched-out. I have been touched by little humans all day long, and I've had enough. What I really crave is for nothing to touch me except the leather sofa and the remote control. 

So yeah--it's hard to transition from Point A (kids taking-touching me all day long) to Point B (lovemaking with husband).

The solution? The gateway touch. My husband is pretty good at this. We'll be sitting on the sofa watching TV and he will start rubbing my feet. Or if I sit on the floor in front of him and hunch my shoulders pathetically, he knows it's his signal to massage them. My favorite is to have my head touched: temples rubbed, hair stroked, jaw massaged. All of these fall under the category of giving-touching. I can't stress enough how important it is for a mom to be given this sort of comfort at the end of the day. And the gateway touch can lead to other kinds of touching...and maybe even get us to Point B.

Now, you have to make sure your husband knows about the gateway touch. Otherwise you'll find yourself going from hugging and kissing and toting and carrying your little ones...to suddenly having a boner pressed into your backside by a bumbling husband desperate to make contact. You've got to tell him that you need a gateway touch to help you transition from taking to giving. And if he does it right, he might even get lucky in the end.