I remember having a conversation with a friend about the narcissism of sex. We were discussing sex being better when we look sexy. Or think we look sexy. That's why wine works such wonders, we all feel sexier after a glass. It never mattered what my husband looked like, if I looked good, I had a better time of it.After a baby I no longer looked, nor felt, sexy. I felt like a cow, udders and all. And this negative self image did nothing to help my sex life. I was there, but not really engaging in the act.
Debbie Herbenick, of mysexprofessor.com, wrote* recently about a University of Washington study showing that women who listened to positive thoughts about their sexuality were more easily aroused by sexual imagery. Or, if you think sexy thoughts, you have a sexier time. She says that we need to listen to what goes through our head during sex and, if necessary, turn it around and make it positive.
So no more laying back and thinking of England. Have a glass of wine, remember that you are an incredibly sexy, love goddess and get it on!
*Her Blog on Psychologytoday.com
That makes sense to me! Insecurity holds us back, and I know if I'm focused on flaw I end up thinking too much-- and thinking is something else that destroys the sensual side of the experience for me.
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