Many Happy Returns

A mom friend of mine recently told me that she wouldn't necessarily end her marriage if her husband cheated on her just once. I can certainly see that. Before, it would have been the last straw, the ultimate deal-breaker. But now? Ugh! We have kids that love him almost as much as they love me. We have income that I need almost as much as I need him. Breaking it off now would be a much messier affair that it would have been in our childless days.

I also recently heard a man on a morning radio show talk about his wife giving him permission to go out and get a massage with a "happy ending." He was mired in the process of trying to figure out how to go about ordering such a thing, since it cannot be legally offered on the menu. Most people said you've got to start yourself off and the masseuse will take up the slack, so to speak, if it's that kind of joint. My husband agreed with me; that's more than a little gross.

But I did ask myself what if I outsourced that part of my marriage? I mean, here I am admitting that some rules have changed. My husband MIGHT be able to slide on a one-night stand these days. While we will NOT let him know that, it's time for me to accept that this is a whole new era.

So, happy endings. What's in it for me? Well, I pull less boner duty, for one. That's a plus. The massage parlor seems a little clinical. I think he's less likely to fall in love with the happy ending girl (who I somehow assume won't speak english) than the twenty-something stripper-with-a-sob-story who only leads him on every time he visits. And he gets a little "me time". Is it so wrong, really? I send him to the chiropractor when his vertebra are bunched up. Is his lower joint really so different? Maybe then when I get my period instead of saying, "Oh. Can I get a BJ, then?" he'll say, "Oh, honey, let me make you some tea and rub your back and don't you worry about my erection. I'll just schedule something with Pyong Lee."

Yes, it's a new era and I'm willing to consider new solutions but I don't think I'm ready to throw out all my old rules just yet. The first time he asks me to do it like Pyong Lee does, there's going to be hell to pay. No, for now I guess I'll just do the difficult thing: keep working on my marriage. But I'll save Pyong Lee's number in case we hit a rough patch.