Those words were spoken to me by a director back in my acting days. And have haunted me ever since.
They have to want to fuck you. I knew this. At 22 I could light up a room and nail a job interview. I could get away with anything if I smiled that smile.
They have to want to fuck you. I was practiced at making friends and found myself seducing even women into friendships.
They have to want to fuck you. Now the words are like a curse to the 33 year old mother of two. Glancing down at myself as my husband walks in the door after a long day. No make-up, hair disheveled and tucked into a barrette. Clothes worn for comfort and less than flattering to my body. Maybe I smell a little like poop, surrounded as I am by babies and dogs. I rush into preparing dinner and tucking the kids into their beds. Bags under my eyes and sleep filling my brain. And I think, "He doesn't want to fuck me."
It's ridiculous, really. He would most likely take what he could get and not complain. But that's not really the point. Sometimes, I just want him to want me like he did when we met. That would go a long way in the bedroom. Just a look. Slightly possessive, mostly desirous.
But that's up to me, I guess.
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Wow. i can SOOOOO relate to everything you have said. But when it comes to my husband, when we were married, I gave up the big t-shirts and sweat pants, and replaced them with the cute little stuff, tank tops, or house clothing that was a little "cuter". i try to make sure I do my hair everyday (including Saturdays, and if I don't put on a full face of makeup I will apply some gloss. and I will never forget, after our 4th month of marriage, he worked on Saturdays, this one particular Saturday I was dressed looking cute, and he walked in the door, sat on the couch, after about 10 minutes he came up to me and gave me a hug and said thank you. I asked him what was he thanking me for, and he replied "for looking nice for me when I came home from a long day at work." That spoke volumes to me. Men are visual creatures. and i love him enough to be the best me i can be. and it feels great.
ReplyDeletethanks for the blog.
~Spirit
Visual creatures! So true...
ReplyDeleteI forget that all the time.