What's so great about sex after kids?

The other day, during one of our infamous playdates, I asked Kimberly* if there's anything about sex that's better after having kids. 

We stared at each other in dumb silence for a minute while the children swirled about our feet.

Then, finally, we managed to come up with a few things. Tell us if you agree, or if you have any ideas of your own.

Our Bodies, Our Sex Lives

There's nothing like going through pregnancy and childbirth together to help a man get to know his lady's ladyparts. After observing my vaginal births, my husband has literally seen aspects of myself that I never have, and never want to. I remember during one of my deliveries the nurse offered to hold a mirror down there so I could see the baby's head crowning. I told her "NO WAY." I didn't want that particular image burned into my memory for all of future sexy time. 

But luckily, the horrors don't seem to have affected my husband's attraction for my nether regions. I figure if he's seen all that, and now sees my poochy belly, stretch marks, etc....and still wants me...that's kinda awesome. And sexy. And even though I sometimes feel bad about how I look, the fact that this man has seen so much and is still by my side, wanting to be with me and make me feel good, gives me a weird sort of confidence in my body that I don't think I ever had before kids.

Nothing Is Sacred Anymore

I don't care how frank you were talking sex with girlfriends before kids, there is nothing like the intimacy of talking bodies with fellow moms. Get two baby-toting mamas in the same room, and before they know each other's last names they'll know about each other's hemorrhoids, episiotomies and cracked nipples. At a recent playgroup, complaints about our bodies turned into show-and-tell as one mom lifted her shirt to show her muffin top, another displayed weird veins and fat knees, and another actually flashed her boobs to show that, really, however they looked in her clothes was totally due to a good quality bra.

We tell our war stories and show our scars like any battle veterans. When the conversation turns to sex, the confessions, confusions and frustrations start pouring out. I remember at a playgroup I was in years ago, when all the babies were approaching their first birthdays, one mom confessed she and her husband hadn't had sex yet--it had been literally more than a year since they'd done it. Another mom said that she was putting out three times a week despite her exhaustion, in an effort to keep her demanding husband satisfied. Another mom said she loved having sex more than ever, that she appreciated the pleasure and mental escape it offered.

Different attitudes, different stories...but a common purpose: By talking about sex more frankly than ever before, we can all learn how to make it better. Or at least how to get it started again.

Seize the Moment

Anything that is rare or hard to achieve becomes more precious. Much as we'd like to advocate that all our mama-readers get their sexy on multiple times a week, we've got to be realistic and admit that for most busy/tired moms, if you're doing it more than once a month, you're in pretty damn good shape. 

Hence the importance (and deliciousness) of seizing the moment, any good sexy moment, that comes along. Whenever you have an ounce of energy left at night, or you find yourselves tipsy after a party, or you wake up early before the sun and the kids are up...seize that moment in the name of sex. You'll never regret stealing 10 minutes for sex with your husband. But you might regret looking back and realizing how many opportunities you let slip by.